The Unexpected
by thoughtsareconstellations
Summary: After the Invasion, everybody worries about Sonea. She is quiet, shy and seems to have a major shock. At first, it looks like Lord Rothen is going to look after her until she recovers. But then, she makes an unexpected decision...
1. Chapter 1

"It is all right, Sonea, please calm down. Can you hear me, it is over. You are safe, you will be fine…"

Of course she heard him. Even though he was talking very quietly, there barely were other sounds in the building. She could even feel her own heartbeat, or did she only imagine that? It was hard to tell the difference between reality and imagination these days, they were too close to each other. She knew that the Ichani were dead, and that Rothen was standing next to her. But was the light shining into her eyes really a fire, or just the sun? It had to be the sun, what use would a fire be in a magician's rooms? It could not be a globe light, those did not flare so much. But it had to be very late in the evening, it should be impossible to see the sun. But a fire…

She was sitting in a chair in Rothen's guestroom. Since the Healers' quarters were filled with injured magicians, he had brought her to his own rooms. He had said something like he wanted her out of the whirl or something. She had not really listened.

Two days ago, Akkarin had died in front of the University. He had died to save her. How often had he said he wished for her being save? Far away where nobody could harm her? Instead of taking her away he had sacrificed himself to protect her. No matter how she turned it, it was her fault. If only she had given in and left the city… _Don't be silly_, she warned herself. _He'd be dead anyway, and you would only feel worse._

It was difficult not to think about him too much, so she finally gave up and started to brood about it in every single second. Sometimes she was not sure if individual events had actually happened, and had to think them through over and over until her head seemed to explode, like now. She ignored it and tried to skim through her mind for happier memories. Now she ended up with the night behind the waterfall, when he had pulled her nearer to him… The end of her spine tingled, as did her fingers, her lips…

Suddenly, she realised that Rothen had stopped talking a while ago, and was eyeing her worriedly. She knew that he was anxious about her, and she always tried to scratch together enough clear thoughts to answer his questions. It never worked. Half the way to her lips the words always got lost in a swirl of memories. No matter how hard she tried, it seemed impossible.

"Shall I leave you alone? You should sleep a little bit, Sonea", he added softly and placed a hand on her shoulder. She jumped, and his hand disappeared in an instant. That was not what she had wanted, it had been the best feeling for days. He still cared for her after all she had done, she would never have imagined that. But then again, he was probably the only one.

She had been very glad when she discovered that he was not dead like everyone presumed, but the strange paralysis had somehow stunned her brain. It was less strong now, but strong enough to stop her from moving.

She remembered Rothen convincing her to leave Akkarin's body, and the dumb feeling that had struck her. Then nothing more, until she found herself sitting in an armchair, staring out of the window, while Rothen tried to soothe her.

_Maybe I could…I just need to move._

"You are safe, Sonea. Noone can harm you here, I promise."

She knew she was safe. The Ichani were dead. But Akkarin was, too. She felt incredible loneliness, and pain. Her head seemed to hammer permanently, and her hands were clenched to fists. Could she answer him? _Not now_, she decided._ Maybe tomorrow._ Although she had not slept for three days, she was not tired. Her thoughts relaxed a little bit and the pain grew less.

_Yes. Maybe tomorrow._


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys, here's my second chapter. I just need to mention how totally awesome your reviews were. Obviously, that crazy little idea of mine wasn't as bad as I thought.

Have fun with this one!

ButterflyInWinter

„He gave his honour and his life to protect and save his country, and he did it with pride..."

The traditional speech used when a magician had died had been heard too often the last few days, and it did not seem to fit in this case; it seemed to echo from the trees surrounding the old cemetery. Had it been very quiet at this place just less than a week ago, the more people now came here every day to attend to funerals of friends, family or colleagues. But this one was different. Instead of the few but truly sad magicians and family members usually taking part at a funeral, there were at least a hundred people, from the Houses, magicians and even the king. Not a single bird could be heard from the trees, and the air was calm and chilly. Many of the crowd were shivering, but only a young woman standing right in front of the fresh grave had wrapped a black scarf around her head. She wore a plain grey dress like wives of rich merchants did, and strands of long, dark hair fell into her face as she stood straight and self-confident, crying silently and without anybody noticing.

Lord Balkan, newly elected High Lord, went on with his speech: "He will be remembered as a leader, a colleague, and a friend."

The woman struggled to hold back a grim laugh. The man Balkan was talking about had not been a real colleague for anybody, he had been too unapproachable, and his only real friend had died during the invasion. Of course, nobody ever thought about her. Why should they? She was not important. She had been his assistant, his source of power, but surely they had not had any kind of relationship beyond that between a novice and her guardian.

"He will be admired for his courage…"

No, he would not. People would always be scared when they thought about the man who had learned and practised black magic, even though he had had his reasons. And of course they would be afraid of her, because she had done the same.

Balkan went on talking, but she stopped listening. It would not look well for her if she started to yell at the High Lord because of his speech. He did not know it any better, or did not want to. Why did she care anyway? Not that she would ever get the chance to come to his grave again. The Guild would never allow that.

Balkan's words became a background noise she could easily ignore. Instead of being annoyed by the Guild's try to appear as if it had always been in control of events, she silently formed her own goodbye. She told him she was sorry, and that she would never forget him. Apologised for not being of any use at the moment. _I could convince them that you are not a criminal. I'm not sure it worked, but I think they're scared of me. It is highly unlikely that they'll try to force me to do something, but if they do, I don't care. I'm tired of pretending. I'll do almost everything they want me to. But I don't think so. Maybe I'll go back to my family. If they let me. I hope they will._

Balkan slowly came to his end, and some of the attendants were already shifting. The late afternoon sun had already hidden behind the trees and a few magicians were using light spheres that cast weird shadows over the graveyard. The chill became cold, and Sonea shivered.

The last words faded away, and the crowd left in uneasy silence until she was the only one left. She stared at the simple grey tombstone somebody had obviously created while he was in a hurry. Only a few words were carved into the stone. _Akkarin of Delvon, House Velan. High Lord of the Magician's Guild of Kyralia. _Two dates and nothing more. Not a _Beloved son and friend_, not even a short message. It looked really, really depressing.

_I love you. I am so sorry that we had so little time together. _

"Sonea?"

She flinched and hastily turned around, only to take a step back right away. Rothen stood behind her, his familiar blue eyes dark with worries. When she recognised him, she exhaled and relaxed.

"It's cold, come on inside. Let's go."

She wiped a hand over her face and started towards the Magicians' Quarters without really noticing him. He followed immediately and lay a coat around her shoulders. "Are you all right?", he asked hesitantly and was surprised to find her reacting with an almost unnoticable nod. She looked so fragile and lost.

When they reached the entrance corridor, Sonea concentrated only on moving her feet in the right order. She knew that if she started to think of something else, she would only begin to sob, and she did not want to while Rothen was there. He would not understand and only worry about what was wrong with her.

He lead her through the corridors to his rooms, brought her into Dorrien's old bedroom and made her sit down. "I'll send Tania with some food", he promised. "And then you should sleep for a change."

_I don't want to sleep. I'm afraid of what I see when I close my eyes. _But she didn't argue and even ate a few spoonful of the soup Tania brought her a few minutes later. In the water she recognised the smell of a familiar sleeping drug. At first, she tried to struggle, but eventually, she gave up and hoped she would have less nightmares than the nights before.

Rothen looked up from the book he had pretended to read as his servant carefully pulled the door to Sonea's room shut behind her. "She's sleeping, I think."

"How much did you give her?"

She shrugged. "Enough to let her rest for the night. But I don't think how long it will work. She'll have to live her own life one day."

The magician sighed and put the book away. "I know. But as long as I'm not sure if she even wants to live at all, I'd rather keep her here, where I can look after her instead of the alternative."

"You know you won't always be able to look after her, don't you?"

"Yes. But I don't want to talk about this now. You can go if you are ready, I'll see you tomorrow, Tania."

"Good night, Lord Rothen." She bowed respectfully and left the room. Rothen sighed again and pushed himself out of the chair. He stared at the book on the table and picked it up to put it back on the shelf but found himself staring at the door. About four years ago, a thin, scared, overwhelmed girl had lived there for a couple of months, and he had tried to persuade her that magicians were not as bad as she thought. Although Sonea was just as scared now, and the weeks in Sachaka, and the Invasion, had really made her very thin, this time she probably was not scared of magicians but of herself.

He knew it was going to be hard to keep her alive, and sane. But he also knew that if he did not, nobody would take care for her. And she would probably always be alone.


	3. Chapter 3

Before you can start to enjoy, I want to say "Thank you" to all those of you who actually bothered to review this story. You're great. I'll just take it as a compliment that you cried, okay? Well then, you won't need any Kleenex for this one, I hope. But better have some prepared, will you?

"Mylord, Lady Vinara asked you to meet her almost an hour ago. You should not make her wait so long." Tania gently placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a little push in the direction of the main door.

He sighed and nodded but did not move. He kept watching the girl standing perfectly still in front of the window, only drumming her fingers against the windowsill. At least she was moving now. The funeral three days ago had finally changed something. She still never spoke or really reacted to anything, but she was able to walk and eat on her own. It always seemed like she was not quite present. If she was focused long enough to look at him, her eyes were glassy and always glistening with tears.

He did not understand what had shaken her up so badly. As far as he knew, her family was safe, and she had to know she was safe, too. It felt strange to him that she was so apathetic.

He turned to look at his servant. "I know you are ready here and that you want to go home, but I don't suppose this meeting with Vinara will take that long. Would you please…?"

Tania smiled sadly and carefully helped him out of the chair. He had not wanted to waste any healer's magic on something as meaningless as his shoulder. He regretted it by now, a lot of movements were very painful. Maybe he should ask Lady Vinara if she could have a look at it.

"I'll stay until you come back. No problem."

"Thank you." He gave her a smile and, with one last glance at Sonea, left his quarters. The corridors were very quiet, although it was almost mid-day. Many magicians were in the city helping to rebuild the houses of their families. Lessons had not started again yet, and the novices had been given the permission to stend time with their parents. The Houses had returned to Imardin just a few hours after it became known that the Ichani were dead, and they had found many of their homes destroyed. It was a delicate subject, because some people actually blamed the Guild, but Rothen did not know much about it.

He crossed the courtyard and tried not to remember the scene he had witnessed. The look on Sonea's face… He shuddered slightly and pushed the memory away.

Reaching the Healers' Quarters, he made his way to Lady Vinara's office and knocked shortly. Immediately, the door swung open and he was ordered to enter.

"Good day, Lord Rothen", the healer said, her voice sounding a little bit tired.

"Lady Vinara." He bowed his head lightly and took a seat on the chair she offered him.

She was sitting behind her desk and obviously trying to tidy away a huge stack of documents while examinung him closely.

"I apologise for the delay."

Instead of answering she noticed: "You look tired. When was the last time you slept?"

Rothen sighed. "It has been a while." Even though Sonea was better now, it seemed like her dreams still terified her. There barely was a night when she did not wake up, screaming and crying and apparantly not recognising him.

Vinara's brows rose in disapproval. "Why that?"

He considered he could just as well tell her the truth. "Sonea is still in shock, I think. She never reacts to anything, and she never says a word. Until three days ago, she had not even moved at all."

Seeing the healer's expression turning alarmed did not help to calm him down. "That does not sound good, Rothen. Does she… does she know where she is, and who you are?"

He shrugged. "I think she does. It is just that she does not seem to be herself. I have no idea what could be wrong with her."

"Well, she has been through a lot. That is what I wanted to ask you, anyway. The Higher Magicians would like to talk to her about her future, but after your description, I figure that will have to wait." She sighed and her face turned soft. "I know you want to be there for her, Rothen, but you have to think of yourself, too. She seems to be very upset, and I don't know if she will ever recover from what happened. There have been cases like hers in the past. Maybe you should consider to have the healers take care of her."

Although he was sure the offer was well-meant, he knew he would never accept it. He shook his head. "Thank you, Lady Vinara, but I am not ready to give up on Sonea. She is stronger than you might think."

"I understand that you worry about her, and that you think of her as your daughter, but still…"

"No", he interrupted and got to his feet. "Even if she will never be better, I will not let her go. Goodbye." And he left the room, not sure if he was angry or not. He strode across the courtyard without paying any attention to his surroundings. Finally entering his living room, he felt a twinge of disappointment when he found Sonea standing in front of the window like she had not moved a muscle.

Yeah, I know I should've posted this yesterday, but I was busy and kinda distracted. I also know that this was a really short chapter. Sorry. Won't happen again (I'm a horrible liar. I know.). Please review or everybody dies.


	4. Chapter 4

When she woke up, she was sure something was different. There was no precise thought in her head, just the thought "something is different". She sat up and blinked a few times to clear her vision. The room was still the same. Nothing had changed since she had moved out when she had been a novice. Apart from… that. Something was lying on the bedside table, wrapped in light, clean cloth. What was that? She did not remember ever having seen it, but of course, her memories were inaccurate these days. Reaching out, she curiously put the bundle in her lap and was surprised by what she found. A long, black piece of clothing, torn and even burned in many places. She carefully unfolded it. It took her a second to grasp, but then she recognised one of the robes the Thieves' tailors had made for her and Akkarin just before the Invasion. Burying her face in the fabric, she allowed a few tears to fall and leave wet spots on the already black surface. When she opened her eyes again, she realised with a shock that, all over the front of the robes, blood had dried and colored it even darker.

She could not hold back the sobs now as she remembered more of the final fight than ever before. The sizzling of power under her feet. The sweet scent of magic in the air. And then the shocked gasp of Akkarin next to her as the knife hit him.

Blinking hard, she tried to blind out the images in her head, but of course her mind ignored her as usual. So she bore it until the end, when somebody had lifted her up into his arms. After that, nothing. Maybe she had fainted. The next thing she remembered was sitting in Rothen's living room.

Finally, when she considered herself as clear again, Sonea put the robes back onto the bedside table. A clicking noise directed her gaze to the floor – two silver rings had fallen out of the fabric. Picking them up, she drew in a deep breath and took a second look, but there was no doubt. Both their blood rings were lying on the floor, one with a piece of paper attached to it. She had thought the Guild had destroyed them, for they still were artefacts of black magic. With shaking fingers, she removed the ribbon and read the message:

_Sonea,_

_I thought you might want to keep these, so I took yours when I brought you to my father's rooms. You'll find the note tied to Akkarin's. I hope that is all right._

_Be strong, little Sonea._

_Dorrien_

So he still cared for her. More than she deserved to be cared for, after all she had done to him. When had he left the bundle there? He had gone back to his village in the south even before the funeral, she remembered him saying goodbye to his father. Maybe he had talked to her, too, but she was not quite sure about that.

Staring at the rings, she realized that they were everything she had from him. Everything she was ever going to get. The magicians would take care of the Sachakan knife and of course all of the books. She almost smiled imagining their reactions if Coren's diary became public. But all the things that made her feel connected to the dusty volumes would be lost if somebody else than him or her read them.

Sonea knew thought like that were ridiculous, but she just could not help it. _I need to get over it. I need to live on._ She paused. _Where did that come from?_ Her life had felt so empty that she had never considered it could be different. She had assumed it would never change. But now… The rings were heavy and cold in her hands. _Could I go back to normal? Could I pretend nothing happened?_ No, of course not. There were too many things she had to cope. Half of the city destroyed. Hundreds of people dead. The only man she had ever truly loved one of them…

_But I could try to acknowledge what happened and live with it. _That realization blew a jolt of energy through her body. Still shaking, she hid the rings under her pillow and got to her feet. She crossed the room, slowly opened the room and found herself stumbling into Rothen's arms. He caught and tried to steady her, and she suddenly felt hot tears running down her cheeks. She forced herself to look up into his face and took a few deep breaths before she managed to do it.

"I'm so sorry", she whispered.

After a second of surprise, he embraced her and held her tight while replying: "You don't need to be sorry, Sonea. It's not your fault."

Maybe she just imagined it, but she thought that she heard his voice crack.

I'm using an awful lot of maybe's in this one, but I sat on it for a week, so shut up.

From your reviews I realized that it's not really clear if I want to stick to the original storyline or answer is: Kinda. I'm obviously gonna keep that she'll recover, and that she is pregnant. But I absolutely change the whole rest of it. Expect the Unexpected.

Oh, and with "everybody dies", I mean you. You who don't review me.

'Til next week!

ButterflyInWinter


	5. Chapter 5

Leafing through the pages, Sonea struggled to keep track of the sentences, and, naturally, failed. All her patience had left her about an hour ago, when Rothen had left for the meeting with the higher magicians. According to his words, they only wanted to decide how to go on with the Guild, but she knew all to well that she would be a topic, too. She was already dreading the moment when they told her what her future would look like. What would they do? Send her back to the wastelands? No, that made no sense at all. The Guild would be too vulnerable without a black magician, now that they had proof that it could not be learned from books. They would keep her here, even if only to have her teach somebody.

She sighed and closed the book. There was no use in staring at the letters, which seemed to flow from the pages, without understanding a word. Distracted as she was, she remembered neither the title or the topic. It had been naïve to think she could make herself think of something else than her fate. _They're hardly going to kill me, so why so nervous?_ Because their decision would affect her whole life. Of course she was nervous.

After returning the book to its place on the shelf, she started to pace the room and tried to calm her thoughts. _A disturbed mind is vulnerable. _Akkarin had said that once during her lessons to explain why she always had to relax when trying to read someone's thoughts, especially a magician's. An experienced magician could be able to invade her mind while she was in his. She drew a few deep breaths and stopped in the middle of the room to get her heartbeats under control. She felt her blood rush through her head and she was sure that that was not a good sign. As soon as she considered moving as safe again, she allowed herself to rest against the windowsill, her chin on her hands. She stared out of the window and let her thoughts drift. It took a few minutes to reach the calm, relaxed state when one is not really thinking, but not really absent, either, and she enjoyed the absence of worries as long as she could.

Then someone knocked at the door and she was jerked out of the peace and calm. She was so surprised that she was not able to move for a few moments, but the door was opened from outside and two men entered. One of them she immediately recognised as Rothen, but it took her a second look to identify the magician in white robes as Lord Balkan. She had no idea what the colour was supposed to mean.

When she saw the stressed expression on Rothen's face, she abruptly straightened her back and performed a semi-graceful bow. Although she did not speak any kind of greeting at all, he did not seem offended or even surprised.

"Sonea, please sit down", Rothen said gently and also motioned for Balkan to take a seat.

She obeyed and tried not to show any sign of curiosity, or fear, for that matter, but suspected that she failed perfectly. She must have looked absolutely terrified. Apparently, Balkan noticed and a small, almost friendly-looking smile appeared on his lips and disappeared in an instant.

"Sonea, you know that the Higher Magicians held a meeting today."

She nodded and cramped her fingers in her lap.

"You also know that you are… a problem."

Rothen cleared his throat and corrected: "It was unclear what your personal future would look like."

"I think you realise that it was very difficult to find a solution that would satisfy everybody, especially since you pose quite a threat."

Suddenly, he seemed to be talking about business rather than about a living person in front of him, but she understood. Balkan had never been the kind of man who was very compassionate. Rothen, though, looked as if he wanted to strangle him but obviously did not dare saying something.

"We decided that it would be best to keep you under surveillance." And then he started to list an awful lot of restrictions and prohibitions: "You will not leave the Guild's grounds alone; you will not leave the city; you will never pracitice black magic again unless told so by the Higher Magicians; you will never teach anybody except special magicians chosen by us; you will never let any person, magician or non-magician, into your mind unless told so by us…"

He went on for what felt like an eternity, and Sonea almost felt sick and stopped listening. She had heard enough. She would be nothing more than a prisoner, only without visible chains.

I don't understand why they don't lock me up, then. Probably don't want to waste warriors in case I try to break free. As if I would do that.

Finally, Balkan finished and shot her a nervous look. _Ah, they're scared of me. That explains a lot._

"Will you agree on these conditions voluntarily?" _Or what? What do you want to do if I don't? Sentence me to death? _ She stared at him in disbelief as she realised that that probably was his plan.

"High Lord", Rothen said quickly, maybe to safe her from having to answer. Only later it occurred to her that he had used that title. "I'm afraid that is enough for today. Sonea is still exhausted. I would rather have her resting now; you may return tomorrow."

Looking a little bit puzzled, Balkan rose to his feet. "Of course. Good day, Lord Rothen. Sonea." He left the room.

"Thank you", she whispered. "I'm really tired."

_Okay, I guess I gotta say sorry. That was way too much time between the chapters. But I got an excuse: I've been studying. Reading an awful lot of stuff just to learn a few phrases I'm never gonna need again. Great. Oh, and of course, merry christmas to all of you._


	6. Chapter 6

_Honestly, guys, I'm disappointed. Was my last chapter that bad? If it was, why don't you tell me? I'm not begging for reviews, but any author likes some response to his work, all right?_

Completely in spite of what she had told Rothen, she did not go to bed although it was already late in the evening. As soon as the door closed behind her, she found it too difficult to even stand still. So instead of sleeping, she started to pace from one side of the room to the other, trying to think straight. It was dangerous to make important decision impulsively, she knew that.

_I'll just go through the facts and then see where it leaves me._ If she looked at this like an outstander, totally cooled down her emotions, maybe she could do this without bursting into tears of mental overload.

Fact one, the Guild wanted to keep her because of her knowledge of black magic.

Fact two, the magicians were afraid of her because of her knowledge of black magic.

Fact three, with all the restrictions Balkan had explained, the Guild would feel like a prison to her.

Fact four, if she left, she would never be able to be a healer. Never be able to help the people from the slums.

Fact five, it had cost her a lot to join, and she did not like to give up.

Fact six, her leaving would prove the lower classes unworthy of magic.

She was surprised how much she found that had to be considered, and that night, she did not sleep but kept on thinking her past and future through and through again and again, silently cursing all the little and big mistakes she now discovered she had made. But no matter how she turned it, no matter what choice she changed in her head, it always ended with Akkarin lying in the gardens with empty eyes.

But this was not the right time to think about the past but about the future. She needed to think straight and calm down. So, sitting down cross-legged on the bed, Sonea closed her eyes and concentrated on her breath.

Akkarin had taught her once how to see with only the senses her powers gave her, and she tried that now. After just a few minutes just sitting still, she could feel her heartbeat slow down and her muscles relax. She could sense the birds in the trees outside her window and other people in the building. They were like glowing points in the darkness behind her closed eyelids, spots of light and heat. It really was a weird feeling, but for the first time in almost two months she felt almost comfortable.

She kept on thinking of nothing, when suddenly, she noticed something. Something she had not expected. Something that made her decision whether or not to stay in the Guild very easy. Almost too easy to be right.

She got to her feet, silently opened the door and sneaked out of the building.

"And you really want to leave this decision to her? She is little more than a child."

"Yes, I want her to do this on her own. And Sonea is twenty years old, I wouldn't call her a child when she's present if I were you, Lord Garrel."

"But if she decides to turn against us…"

Rothen interrupted him. "She won't. Firstly because she's barely strong enough to get up every morning, and secondly because she only just risked her life to save this country. And please, if we would try to force her, we would just make sure that she would never cooperate with us. So if we want her to listen to us, we have to give her at least the freedom to decide over her own life."

Balkan, the new High Lord, cleared his throat. "Is it true that she ran away last night?", he asked bluntly.

Rothen sighed. "I found her sitting at Akkarin's grave this morning. She was all in tears and didn't respond to me. My son and I figure she had a fall-back after you came to talk to her."

Although he tried not to be too obvious, he couldn't hide that he was glaring at Balkan furiously. Sonea had seemed quite upset after his visit. He should have known that it was too early.

"You should have made sure she cannot leave the room you have her staying in. She could've done anything", Garrel said accusingly.

"Oh, please, Lord Garrel, after what I heard, I have to admire that Sonea actually made it out of the building." Lady Vinara shot the Warrior a disdainful look. "When I last saw her, at Akkarin's funeral, she looked like she would pass out any second. Let's not be suspicious until she is at least able to talk to us."

It seemed like a tangible argument was building but theey were interrupted by a knock on the door. A young alchemist was standing outside in the hallway and looking a little bit uncomfortable.

"Higher Magicians, Sonea wants to see you."

"Let her in, Darron."

It was abvious that the girl in the doorway had cried. Her eyes were red and had dark shadows underneath. In fact, she looked so fragile that both Osen and Vinara rose from their chairs to have her sit but she refused.

"I… I have thought about what Lord Balkan told me yesterday, and it was very difficult to decide…"

"What was difficult about that?"

To everybody's surprise, she did not even jump at this question. "Lord Garrel, I know that I am making much trouble and stopping you all from working on things that are really important. So… I made my decision. And I will not change my mind about it."


	7. Chapter 7

Anticipating silence followed her words. Sonea swore that nobody even breathed beside her heavily catching air. She felt like she had run all the way from her room although she had only been able to walk very slowly, holding on to the handhold of the stairs with every step.

She had hoped for at least any reaction but nothing happened for a long time. The Higher magicians just kept staring at her as if it was weird to see her. But when somebody moved, it was even worse.

"Sonea, are you sure you are ready?"

She felt her cheeks blush. "Yes, Rothen, I am sure." She gave him a weak smile. "I promise I'll stick to that."

"Tell us, then. Go on", Lady Vinara encouraged her, looking just as tense as the others.

Sonea drew a deep breath and tried to order her thoughts into spoken words. "You offered me to stay here, in the Guild, and be your black magician. It was very… kind of you." Maybe they did not notice her tone, but if they did, they did not show it.

"But I will not accept that offer. I… want to go home. To my family. I'm sorry", she added quickly as she saw Rothen's expression. Why hadn't she told him in private first? It would have been much easier. But she knew that he would have tried to stop her, and that was exactly what she had not wanted to happen.

"That is impossible!" She jumped. Garrel had got to his feet and looked like he wanted to kill somebody.

"Lord Garrel, you're right. We cannot allow that."

"It is just not possible."

While they kept expressing their agreement, Sonea still stood in the doorway, feeling like she could cry. So they were going to hold her in the Guild, no matter if she wanted to or not. And she knew that she stood no chance against them, not in this condition. And the voices were actually giving her a headache. "What's the matter?", she cried over the noise. "Why can't I go home, would you explain that to me?"

To her relief, they immediately stopped talking. Then Osen answered, very slowly: "We cannot allow a magician to be out of our control, especially none as strong as you are." He did not say `dangerous´, but the word echoed in the room.

She almost smiled. "But who says I would be a magician out of bounds? I… I want you to block my powers."

"Why?" She jumped again at this very angry tone. Then she saw the owner and her knees threatened to give in.

"Rothen, I'm sorry, but…"

"Why do you want to leave?"

"I… please, can we talk about this later?" Great, now she sounded weak and desperate again. "I made my choice. I won't stay."

Then she turned around and hurried down the corridor.

She waited for him in his guest room. His expression almost scared her, that mixture of disbelief, disappointment and anger, but he sounded rather calm. "Can you tell me why you didn't talk to me first?"

She tried to be strong, but tears still fought to burst out of her. "Because… Rothen, because I knew you would try to stop me. Because I knew you would be hurt. But as I said, I made my decision. And it's final. I didn't want to feel bad about it. I want to be with my family again without sneaking away, I just want to go home…"

"I thought this had become your home."

"You can't claim to know me if you think this place could ever be home to me if I could never leave. The Guild would watch my every step. I would be little more than a captive, you know that. And you know I always wanted to go out and help people, how am I to do that from here?"

"I am sure I could talk to Balkan about the conditions…"

He looked so hurt that it almost broke her heart. Of course she did not want to leave him, he as close to a father to her as she would ever get. But she had her reasons to leave, and she would stick to them. Once again, she swallowed the tears. "You know that it would never work. When I agreed to join the Guild, I was forced to, first blackmailed by Fergun and then because Lorlen told me to stay because of Akkarin. I never really wanted to be here. I spent four years pretending, Rothen, pretending to be happy to get the chance. But now I have the opportunity to be myself again, and please don't take it away from me. Let me do this."

The magician remained silent for a couple of minutes, and held her eyes. When he spoke again, he did so very gently. "I am proud that you did this on your own. I understand that you could never be happy at this place."

There was so much care in his voice that she couldn't help it anymore, she started to sob heavily. "It's not about you", she managed. "I wouldn't leave you." She felt his arms around her and felt even worse.

"I know. It's fine."

And finally, for the first time in two months she really cried about everything that had happened. And when Rothen told her to get some sleep and make up for the night before, she actually slept without remembering her dreams.


	8. Chapter 8

The summer was slowly turning to its end now, the nights were already chillier than before. Sonea could smell the autumn coming as she sat by the window in her room once again, not staring this time but simply daydreaming. That ability not to concentrate on more important things had remained from the time she had spent in lessons, and had proven quite useful whenever one of the teachers had continued talking for what felt like an eternity. Today, she was not not paying attention to a teacher but to a fight in Rothen's guestroom which had begun half an hour ago as a simple conversation and soon escalated to a grown fight between to people with very different opinions. They obviously were not aware that she could hear every word they were saying, or they did not care, because they did not bother to keep their voices down.

Sonea knew that they were talking, or rather shouting, about her. And that their conversation had been going round in circles for a long time and did not sound like it was about to end. _When will they notice that I don't care what they're saying?_, she wondered while distractedly chewing on her hair. She was able to answer that question herself: Never. Nobody ever cared if she cared.

A magician passed beneath her window, absentmindedly skimming a piece of paper. Further behind, three novices were helping re-creating the gardens. Everything seemed so normal. Just like another typical day at the magicians' guild of Kyralia. The thought kind of depressed her. She had decided to leave all of this behind, and that decision had been made rather quick considering the circumstances. But that was not a topic she had wanted to daydream about. So instead, she chose to speculate how long it would be until the first leaves would fall off the trees. After a short discussion with herself she settled on "a few weeks from now", and then cleared her mind and tried to relax so she was deaf to the fight.

The two speakers' tempers seemed to have cooled down a little, as their voices were no longer audible to her. She was not certain whether to be glad about it or not, so she decided not to think about it for too long. Surely they would leave her alone now, just for a few hours' time. They would want her to wrap her head around it, or rather reconsider it again. She already knew that she was going to do neither. Her choice was made and not to be changed, and if she thought about it too much, it would not make things easier. They would not come to talk to her now. Not yet.

But she soon found out that she was wrong. Only a few minutes later, there was a soft knock on the door. "Sonea? May I come in?"

Too surprised to think much, she said, "Yes, of course", and then watched him enter cautiously.

She beckoned him to sit on the bed, and he obeyed, so that they were just two steps apart. His face was reddened, probably from the fight, and his blue eyes were sparkling dangerously. She could tell he was trying to act as if nothing had happened but failed miserably. Maybe he just did not want to scare her. She knew she still did not look good, thinner and paler than usual, but that did not appear to her as a reason to treat her like a sick child, especially since he, other than everybody else, knew more about the cause for her bad condition.

His tone, however, was not really careful at all. "Can we talk?"

"Um, yes. Yes, of course. What about?" She did not actually need to ask this question, for she already knew the answer. In retrospect, she felt kind of stupid for not expecting it. Of course he would want to talk to her. She resisted the urge to curse herself under her breath, and hoped that he had not seen it.

"I want to know why you are leaving."

She hesitated for a second. "That's not a question", she said, just to buy some time to make up an answer to the question that was, inevitably, yet to come.

He rolled his eyes skywards. "Don't be silly. Why are you leaving?"

_What does he want to hear? That I changed my mind? _"I… want to be free for a change. I can't be here."

"Why not? You just have to…"

"No I don't. I can't. Not any more. I just can't compromise any longer."

He was now staring at her as if he suspected her to be seriously ill, with a fever maybe.

"I want my free will back, Dorrien. I'd rather not have my every step watched as if I were a criminal. And I will have if I stay."

"If you gave them time to find out for themselves that you are no threat, then…"

Once again she interrupted him: "But I don't have time. I've given them a lot of it to find out that I'm not dirt from the streets, I've given them time to find out that I'm not as weak as I look, and I also gave them all the time I had to grasp that the Ichani were the danger, not Akkarin. If they still want to think they can't trust me, then so be it. But I won't endure the stars and whispers again."

The blue eyes rested on hers for a moment as he considered what she had just said. Instantly, she hoped that she had not made any kind of mistake, for he would take that mistake and use it against her until she finally gave up. He'd throw arguments at her like rocks, all too well-considered and prepared to deny them. He could start a fight just like the one she had overheard only minutes ago, and he would win. Easily. Because he knew her that well.

"What do you mean when you say you don't have time?"

The late summer air suddenly felt cold on her skin. There it was. The mistake. She had never intended to say that out loud.

"What happened that makes you think you don't have the time to stay here for a while? And there's no point denying it, Sonea, I know _something_ happened." Then his eyes widened in shock and he automatically raised a hand to hers but couldn't cross the distance between them without getting up. "You're not really ill, are you? Because if you were, then it would be no reason be become that dramatically, we could do something about that…"

"Dorrien, I'm not ill, I promise."_ And there's nothing you could do about this…_"I meant that I'm running out of patience." She was aware that this was possibly the worst excuse that she had ever used, and she had used a lot on her aunt when she was younger, but she could not think of anything better right now.

"I just want to see my family more than once a month. They need my help, I'm pretty sure that their stayhouse was destroyed, and Ranel's leg is getting worse…"

"Wouldn't it be a lot easier for you to support them if you used your position?"

She shook her head. "I don't have a position anymore. Even if I stayed, my position in the Guild would be about as safe as a night time stroll with a bag full of gold. With the first opportunity, they'll get rid of me."

"Don't say that."

"They're scared of me, the whole lot of them! And that's good, because I am not safe. No, you know I'm right. One mistake, and they won't hesitate a second. I don't want to consider every single step I make twice."

Obviously he did not dare to argument against this, because he did not press the subject, which only proved her assumption. "How are you planning to survive in the slums? How are you going to earn enough money to support both yourself and your family, have you thought about that?"

"Of course I have. I can read and write. I know a lot about illnesses and cures and I have connections to the Thieves. It won't be as difficult as you think, I'll get by. And there's nothing that keeps me here, anyway."

So, I finally got it. To my defence, I rewrot this chapter about a thousand gazillion times and I'm not satisfied. But I kinda think this won't get any better, so who cares. Love you all. Reviews make happy Butterflies.

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	9. Chapter 9

"I'm here." He sounded so hurt that it brought her near the edge of tears again. She silently cursed herself for this fault, for she had not meant to give him the impression that he did not matter to her. She had simply forgotten to mention something, and now she had to excuse herself again. As soon as the misunderstanding was cleared, he would straightaway go back to questioning her, and her foundation in that was not very firm anymore, not after the second mistake.

She drew a deep breath and tried to appear as soft as she could. "You won't be. Not for very much longer. You'd already returned to the South Pass a month ago and only came back because Rothen asked you to. Even now, you're thinking about leaving again. Because that's part of you. Helping people. You won't give that up. Without you, what could I do?"

She knew immediately that she had hit his weak point, as the hurt expression in his eyes made place for something she decided was guilt.

"I'm sorry" he said, then suddenly straightened. "Why am I apologising? I'm not the one who should be explaining."

"There is nothing I have not already explained. To you. To your father. To everybody. Why can't you believe that I've been thinking about this a lot, I've been thinking for days. Is it so surprising for you that I made a decision you wouldn't have?"

"Is it so surprising for you that I want to make sure that you won't regret it? That I want to make sure that you'll be safe? It's dangerous out there, Sonea!"

"You think I don't know that? I've lived there almost my whole life! I learned how to defend myself with a knife when I was, what, four years old? I will be fine."

She stressed the last four words by looking straight into his eyes, and was more than puzzled to find a small smile spreading over his face.

"Come on, Sonea, let's stop playing hide and seek. You're not telling me something, you and I know that, and it's ridiculous. You can tell me."

She flinched. All the answers and sentences she had worked out and all the conversations she had gone through seemed to be torn apart in midair. She had no idea what she was supposed to say now. Only one thing came to her mind.

"No, I can't. I just can't."

"Of course you can. I already know more than everybody else."

"Yes, you do, and that's exactly the problem. Everybody else believes what I told them and nobody else asked any questions. At all."

"I'm not everybody."

She groaned. "Of course not. But…"

"What is the matter, Sonea? I know that you are hiding something, something you won't even tell Rothen. And that concerns me, because I know that he means a lot to you. So what is going on?" This time he really did get up to grab her hands and stare into her eyes. She found she could not drop her gaze even though she longed to. She knew that he only wanted her to be honest, and that he was worried.

"Dorrien." She said his name aloud to buy herself some more time to figure out exactly how she was going to say what she obviously had to say now. There was no way he would accept one of her excuses. As usual, those blue eyes had looked right through her cover.

"You must promise me not to tell anybody. Please."

He nodded once, his grasp on her hands suddenly firmer.

"I'm…" She hesitated, not sure how to put it the right way. "Akkarin and I…"

"Come on. Tell me."

Inhaling deeply, she closed her eyes tight so she would not have to see his reaction. "I'm pregnant."

He was silent for a time that seemed to last forever. Sonea started to feel fidgety, in the need of standing up and pace the room but she couldn't, for Dorrien still had her hands in his. She risked a glance at his face under her lashes and found him staring at her but not seeing.

Then, finally, he said, "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Little to no doubt possible."

"Do you want me to…?"

"No. I'm sure."

Anouther pause, fortunately shorter than the previous. "When did you find out?"

That was the first question she felt easy about, as if suddenly some tension had left the room. His reaction had surprised her. She had expected much worse.

"Two days ago."

"Did you go to the Higher Magicians right away then?"

She shook her head. "I couldn't. I hadn't decided yet."

"But you have now?"

"Yes."

He examined her again, even more closely this time. "Fine, then", he said and let go of her hands, straightening his back and sitting back on the bed.

She blinked in surprise. "What?"

"I am satisfied with that."

"That easily?"

At that, he laughed and shook his head. "If that was too easy for you, would you rather like me shouting a bit?"

She couldn't help but smile. "Thanks, but no thanks. I think I quite like it easy."

"I still don't like it", he said after a few moments of silence.

"You don't need to like it", she said slowly, she had not prepared herself for this, she'd been too sure that he would believe her excuses. "You know I made a choice."

He raised his hands as if defending. "I won't try to convince you again, I understand your decision. But that does not mean that I like it."

Sighing, she rolled her eyes. "What are you trying to say, Dorrien? I am listening."

"What if anything goes wrong? What if you need help? What if…"

"The magicians are not the only ones with knowledge about the human body", she interrupted. "There is a reason why thousands of people survive outside the city without you."

"I'd ask you to come and see me here, but I doubt you would agree."

She nodded. "Right. I wouldn't agree. Leaving here has a reason. And I'll be fine."

"Maybe… we could meet outside the gates", he suggested.

"Dorrien…"

"I don't like that you want to do this all on you own. Honestly, I do not feel comfortable about that. Please."

She was unable to meet his eyes so she stared at her hands folded in her lap. "I don't feel that good about this either. But you can't just stay here just because of me." Her throat tightened and she hoped she would not cry now.

Then a mischievous spark appeared in the healer's gaze. "What if I did not stay for you?", he asked.

Not understanding what he meant, Sonea didn't answer. Her thoughts seemed to flow slower that usual, which made it difficult to talk to him.

He gave a little smile. "You always wanted to help the poor."

"Yes", she said slowly, not knowing where this would lead, and she was too tired to ponder it longer, so she gave him what he asked for. This was the longest conversation she was having in weeks, and it exhausted her.

"What if I had convinced Lady Vinara to establish a hospital in the slums?"

"You did what?" Sonea jumped to her feet and looked at him closely.

"You're serious", she decided. "You really did?" Tears started to sting in her eyes.

"It was not that difficult. It seems that you were not the only one wanting to help", Dorrien said with a broad grin. "But that means that I won't be able to leave Imardin for at least three years, until everything works perfevtly. I'll be her for you as long as you need me, Sonea."

The tears she had been trying to hold back now flooded her eyes and ran down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry", she whispered and wiped her face. Sobs escaped her throat and shook her shoulders. "I just… can't believe it."

"You can. It's true."

"And I'm scared. And… tired."

"I know", he said, his voice soft and quiet. "I understand. Come here." He took her hands again and made her sit down on the bed next to him. Then he pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her so her head rested against his chest.

"There is nothing you have to worry about. I'm here."

Nevertheless, she found it impossible to restrain the tears. She remembered now that she had not cried properly since the Invasion, never more than a few silend teardrops. Dorrien's arms were firm and warm, and she felt safer than she had in a long, long time. She managed another excuse.

"You're exhausted", he murmured and shifted her to a more comfortable position. "Sleep, little Sonea. You'll be fine."

_So, finally, here it is. This is not the end, of course. I am not yet finished with Sonea. But give me some time, please – there is other stuff waiting for me to work on, too._

_Remember – Many reviews make the snow melt._


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

"Do you have everything you need?" There was a strained undertone in Rothen's voice, partially due to the stern-faced Warrior waiting in the doorway.

"I think so. But I don't need much, so…" Sonea had no idea why the Higher Magicians still wanted her supervised. There was no possibility she could still pose any kind of threat since this morning. Lord Garrel, Head of the Warriors, had performed the blocking, and she had exhausted most of his patience by needing a few minutes to get used to the classical method of visualization again, as she had not used it in quite a while. No matter how often she had apologised, the Warrior had not been exactly gentle in the procedure.

"Do you want me to take you out of the city?"

She shook her head. "No, thanks, Rothen. My aunt wrote she would wait for me at the Guild's gates. Besides, you shouldn't exhaust yourself", she added with a little smile that vanished immediately. Her old guardian still had not had his injured shoulder seen to by a Healer, and refused to do so stating he did not have any problems, but she knew he was lying.

The two of them stood in Rothen's guestroom for a moment, both unsure what to say or do next. Then the warrior coughed, causing them to jump slightly.

"I guess I have to go now", Sonea said quietly, slinging the small bag of clothes over her shoulder.

"Yes. Did you talk to Dorrien?"

"Last night. He said he'd be too busy today, so he came when you were at the meeting with the Higher Magicians."

"Good." He hesitated, then took her hands. "I'm proud of you", he said.

Sonea had to fight the tears before she was able to answer. "Thank you." She slowly bent forward to a semi-graceful bow, and saw him flashing a smile. He probably remembered how hard it had been to get her used to bowing to magicians. And now, after four years, she felt more or less comfortable with it – and she was leaving the Guild forever.

She nodded to the young man in the doorway, then she and Rothen followed him down the corridors of the Magician's Quarters. They did not meet anybody today, but Sonea suspected that the magicians avoided her. They must know when she would leave. She suppressed a smile as she imagined them waiting behind their doors to listen if she had already passed by so they could continue their normal activities.

The warm air outside woke her spirits, she felt more alive than ever in the last two months. Looking around, she realised with a pang of regret how much this place, the Magician's Guild of Kyralia, had become her home. In fact, she might even miss it. _Don't be ridiculous, _she told herself. There was no point in regret, it was done and not to be reversed.

As the Gates came into view, Sonea sighed and thought of the freshest of the graves on the cemetery. Two days ago, she had talked Dorrien into taking a walk with her, partly because she wanted to see Akkarin's grave one last time, partly because she seemed to suffocate indoors. After months in the Wastelands, almost every night sleeping under the open sky, she couldn't stand to be caught in proper rooms.

While most of the other tombstones had flowers or candles in front of them, left by mourning relatives or friends, Akkarin's looked as bare and impersonal as it had on the day of the funeral. With shaking hands, Sonea had brushed some dead leaves aside and then put down a small object: her blood ring. The glittering glass stone spread the reflecting light all over the smooth rock so it seemed to be glowing in the sun.

His ring was now carefully hidden away inside the hem of her shirt. Rothen did not know she had it, and she did not want him to. The ring was her most precious possession, even though worth almost nothing. Revealing its existence to the Guild meant risking to lose it forever.

She had expected to see her aunt outside the Gates, instead, she was awaited by her best friend and his kin.

"Your little cousin's got a fever," Cery said as he embraced her. "Nothing serious," he added quickly, noticing her expression.

With a sigh of relief, Sonea stepped away and nodded to Gol, Cery's enormous second and bodyguard. "And you selflessly volunteered to come and pick me up? You didn't have to."

"Yes I did. Also, I got you somewhere to live. Near the Eastern wall, good area. Only the best for Imardin's hero, remember?"

"Thank you, Cery." Although she smiled at his little joke, she already felt tears springing to her eyes again, and blinked several times to get rid of them but failed. Turning around, she quickly walked over to wrap her arms around her old guardian. Purple robes swirled around her, and she knew Rothen was crying, too.

"This isn't the end, you know," she said and almost believed her own words. "You're not getting rid of me that easily." Somehow she managed to sound convincing even though she knew it would be a long time until he would see her again.

The corners of his lips twitched but the smile lost the fight. A little voice told Sonea there was something she had to tell him, and she even remembered Dorrien sitting next to her and ordering her to but she just couldn't recall what it was, only that it was important. Nevertheless, she allowed Cery to take her hand and gently lead her away from the life she could have had and now never would.


	11. Chapter 11

_Hello, everybody. Huh, is that really you? It's been such a long time that I barely recognised you! _

_Yes, of course, it's my fault. Sorry. But this one is nice and long and there's another nice and long one following next week. I promise. I'll be a good butterfly now. Enjoy._

**Chapter Eleven**

Somehow, Cery had managed to find Sonea a place to live, sharing a room with three young women close to her age. The stayhouse appeared to be resting against the eastern city wall, a circumstance bearing a lot of advantages, the most important being the regular Guard patrols during the night. They allowed the people living in this area to return late with less fear of being robbed or killed than in other parts of the slums. Most of the Guards did not care much about the dwells they were protecting but there were exceptions. After two weeks, Sonea had managed to befriend a young man only a few years older than her. He was always eager to help her, and she knew she would have to discourage him sooner or later but it didn't matter now. She had time now.

One of the first things she had done after leaving the city had been to buy a longcoat and a knife. The familiar weight of the blade on her hip offered a strange comfort she had not expected. It was an old, a little rusty knife with a plain handle but still sharp. With the help of her aunt, Sonea had started to sew pockets into the coat, some obvious on the outside, some hidden inside her sleeves. Now that she didn't have to wear robes any more, she realised how much she had missed what her aunt called "proper clothing".

Her education had proved to be very valuable. Not many people in the slums were able to read or write, so they hired scribes instead. Combined with her fine way of speaking and writing her skills allowed her to spend hours at the markets, sitting with a tray in her lap and copying what her costumers dictated. In the evenings, she fell to bed with aching head and hand but also enough money to get over the next day.

This night, Sonea woke up with a gust of cold air. Opening her eyes, she found her blanket on the floor next to the pile of cushions she used as a bed, all tangled up. Then she remembered her dream, the same nightmare haunting her for almost three months now, ever since the Invasion, and shuddered from more of only cold. Would her memory never allow her to sleep peacefully? Would she ever be able to live with herself instead of spending every waking hour wondering what she had done wrong?

Judging by the light, it had to be the middle of the night. She had come home late yesterday, and now it seemed impossible to fall asleep again. Another short night. She already felt the damage those were doing to her body, all the pains and aches caused by exhaustion. If she looked into a mirror, she knew she would find deep, bruise-like shadows under her eyes. And she did not want to think about how thin she must be.

Sighing, she rose to her feet and slipped into her coat. Summer had definitely reached its end now, the night were becoming chillier every time. Soon, Sonea shivered and also pulled her blanket over her shoulders. The room was dark, and only faint outlines were visible. Two of her roommates were sleeping, the third still out working. The night was almost quiet.

For hours, Sonea sat on her bed and tried to calm her mind, just like every other night. After leaving the Guild, her thoughts had never stopped racing. Had she made the right decision? Wouldn't she be safer if she had stayed? Then she thought of the trapped feeling the Guild had given her, and pushed the regret away. But after regret came fear.

With a great effort, Sonea stopped herself from pacing the room not to wake the others. At the first beam of sunlight, the door opened and a girl in an elaborate, but worn-out dress entered.

"This," she announced loudly enough for Sonea to hear, "was the worst night I ever had."

Sonea forced herself to smile. "You say that every morning, Lilya. Your nights seem to get worse."

"Of course they do. Bagran left me alone in the taproom for almost my whole shift." She grimaced. "Must be a new method to get more drunk, bored, lonely men to harass his staff."

Giving Lilya a sympathetic look, Sonea started to wake the two women still sleeping. It had become a morning ritual very soon after she had moved in, just as they would buy the food for all of them and prepare simple meals in the evenings.

Only a little while later, Sonea took her package with writing utensils and left for the Markets. The day promised to be one of the last sunny ones of the year, so there would be a lot of people outside today, which meant more customers for her and maybe enough income to save some of it for… later. Somehow, she hated to think of the weeks when she would not be able to work, and they were only a few months away…

She reached her usual spot close to the bread sellers, sat down at the foot of a small fountain and prepared her material. The delicious smell of fresh bread waved over to her, and her stomach growled uncomfortably. She would have to wait for noon, though, because she would hopefully have earned enough money by then to buy something to eat.

As hours passed, she wrote letters, messages and bills. She chatted with the baker closest to her whenever neither of them had any customers, and found out that Dorrien had made his promise come true and begun to transform an empty storehouse into a hospital. He also told her that most of the dwells were quite happy about it, while others, especially the Thieves, seemed rather suspicious. Before he could tell her more about it, a girl approached her and asked her to write a letter to her husband in the country, and then a merchant needed his order copied, so Sonea had no further chance to investigate. This evening, her headache seemed even worse than usual. The subtle but nerve-racking pain had never left her since it first started, constantly wearing her down until she felt like she could rip off her head just to make it stop.

Coming home, she found a wooden bowl with cold soup and a piece of bread waiting for her, together with a small stack of cheap paper. Since Sonea was working and Lilya sleeping through most of the day, Neita and Venze had agreed to buy whatever they needed. In return, Sonea and Lilya contributed more money because their trades earned them more. The four of them slowly became friends, and soon Sonea felt better about telling the others about her past. She was astonished how well they took it; she had expected at least uncomfortable looks.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

Weeks passed and the winter approached. As her pregnancy began to show more and more obviously, Sonea faced the troubles she had hoped to avoid. Additional to the nightmares and headaches, she woke with heavy morning sickness, and her fingers started to feel numb and stiff. She feared she would soon be unable to write well enough to earn money with it.

Lilya urged her to take a day off, relax and sleep early. Only when she couldn't endure sitting any more, Sonea gave in. But the small room made her feel trapped and uncomfortable, so she decided to take a walk.

Although she was in her fifth month now, she still managed to disguise it with her coat. Her scarf wrapped tightly around her head, she allowed herself to be carried with the steady flow of people who all seemed to be headed in the same direction.

The Hospital. A simple but big stone house near the Markets. Sonea couldn't help but wonder how she had missed it all those days she had spent sitting under the fountain, just a few minutes away. But the people looked like they were celebrating, as if warming up for the New Year festivities in a few weeks. _Of course. They must have opened it only today. No miracle I didn't notice. _

A large crowd had gathered in front of the doors, but nobody appeared aggressive or in any other way disapproving. They simply waited to be let in. Realising there must be magicians around, probably quite a few, she turned on her heel and hurried away. She wanted to avoid being recognised by all cost, and being here certainly would lead to that sooner or later.

But only a few days later her steps lead her back, and for a reason. Sonea needed someone to talk to. And not just someone – she needed to talk to Dorrien. It was late when she arrived, almost dark. Not many people waited outside the building, and a few Guards regarded those who did suspiciously.

Sonea had pulled her hood over her head to hide her face. She knew she couldn't avoid being seen but at least she would be able to make herself harder to recognise. Although most magicians would probably not make the connection between her and Akkarin, there was the chance that Rothen might hear about her condition, and he had seen her grieving Akkarin's death. Sonea was sure he had found it strange that it had hit her that hard, and if somebody told him about her now, then he would know for sure what he had perhaps already suspected.

Entering the building, she was surprised to see how well equipped it was. More Guards stood in the waiting room, observing the people carefully. She hesitated in the doorway, unsure where to go. Then somebody talked to her from behind.

"How can we help you?"

Sonea spun around and immediately backed away a step. She was facing a boy in short, brown robes looking at her questioningly. She quickly dropped her gaze so her face lay in the shadow of her hood but something in his expression worried her. She remembered him from the University, even though she could not recall his name. He had been a year over her, so he must be close to graduation now.

The boy repeated his question, his tone not indicating anything but friendliness. She felt his eyes linger on her face.

"I'm here to see Lord Dorrien," she said hoarsely, thankful for her sore throat because he wouldn't recognise her voice. Now she could only hope that he would not ask any further. She had no idea what to say if he wanted an explanation why she knew a magician's name.

"Could you wait a few minutes? I'll come to you when Lord Dorrien is ready, yes?"

"Thank you," she breathed and stifled a sigh of relief. The novice led her to an empty bench and then left her alone, assuring her she would not have to wait long. He disappeared through a door at the far end of the room.

Sonea sank onto the bench and rested her back against the wall. She felt incredibly tired and exhausted. Her head throbbed painfully and she had barely slept the night before because she was afraid of her nightmare. Although it had become familiar by now, never changing and always the same, it still terrified her and now even kept her awake. She absentmindedly began to rub her cold fingers and arms, and tried to calm her thoughts, a ritual she had recently adopted to think straight.

The novice ripped her out of her concentration. "He'll see you now. Follow me, please." He even gave her a smile. So maybe he really had no idea who she was.

Pulling her hood down again, she followed him out of the waiting room and into a narrow corridor. The boy knocked at a door which opened at once.

"Just go inside. It's going to be fine." Then he excused himself and left.

Bemused by the friendliness of one of the novices who used to harass her, Sonea entered the room. It was small, barely big enough for the table and two chairs in it. Dorrien sat behind the table, deeply absorbed in a stack of paper.

"Come in, come in, only a moment."

The hint of a smile playing around her lips, Sonea took a seat on the other chair, and waited. She pushed her hood back, then started to warm her fingers again. Only a few minutes later, the Healer raised his eyes and blinked twice in disbelief.

"Am I dreaming or is this really you?"

"It's really me, I promise." She could not resist the smile now. It felt too good to see him. He seemed well enough, a little tired, maybe, but well. "How are you?"

He made a dismissive gesture. "That's not important. What about you? You look horrible."

"Thank you very much," she said wryly. "That is exactly what I wanted to hear."

Shrugging, Dorrien placed the sheets of paper in an overflowing box and regarded her thoroughly. "Do you get along? Or…"

"I'm fine," Sonea interrupted. "I have somewhere to live, I earn enough money, you don't need to worry about me." _At least not more than you do anyway, _she added to herself.

"That's not what I meant."

Of course not. How could she have hoped he would not mention it? "I know."

"Please, let me just make sure everything is fine. It would only take a few minutes, you know that. All you need to do is give me your hand."

She hesitated. This was not why she had come, not exactly, at least. But she was sure Dorrien would not stop trying until she gave in, and it certainly could not be a bad thing… "All right," she said before she could decide otherwise. "But you won't mention it again."

"I promise."

Sighing, Sonea offered her hand. He took it and then closed his eyes, deep in concentration. She felt his senses brush gently over hers, and for the first time in months, her screaming mind was quiet. Time passed, until finally, Dorrien looked up.

"You are a wreck," he announced. "Quite a proud one, obviously, or you would have come to see me weeks ago, but still a wreck. How bad is the morning sickness?"

"Bad enough. It gets harder to ignore."

"When was the last time you slept for a whole night?"

Sonea considered a lie, to avoid the lecture that was sure to come if she told him the truth but she knew he would discover it and then assure her he only wanted her best. "I don't know. I cannot even remember ever sleeping for a whole night, now that I think about it. Must have been before Sachaka, though."

"What? That would be almost a year, Sonea." He shook his head and clearly tried to fight his anger. "A year without decent sleep would probably kill you if you weren't a magician."

"I'm not a magician anymore, Dorrien," she quietly reminded him.

Once again, he dismissed her words as if she had not said anything. "I should have known, right when I saw you. You look half-dead. What keeps you awake?"

Sonea could not help but shudder. Even the thought terrified her. "The nightmare. Always the same dream, I've had it for months now. Every night, I wake up and can't even close my eyes again because I'm scared I'll have it again. And it feels as if it's getting worse…"

A single tear escaped her eyes and she angrily brushed it away. This was not the time for crying, although she could not deny that it felt good.

"What do you dream of, Sonea?" Dorrien asked gently, taking her hand again and carefully warming it.

"The… the night of the Invasion. I… I hear Rothen is dead… then the Thieves kill the Ichani and he destroys so much… it's like a list of the worst moments in my life, and it always ends with… him telling me to finish it, and then giving me all his power…" She didn't realise that she had started to sob until the tears ran over her lips. More of them burned in her eyes. She suddenly felt incredibly weak and tired.

"Have you tried nemmin?"

She shook her head. "Didn't know if it was safe."

"You should. Not too much and not too long, but you need the rest. I'll give you some when you leave." Then he rose and walked around the table to embrace her briefly. "You're only skin and bones, Sonea. No matter how you do it, try to eat more." He hesitated. "Normally, I'd have you stay here and taken care of until I feel better about you being alone. You need help, starting with someone to talk to about what happened to you. There has not been a war for a long time, and you got the worst out of this one. Please, come back."

"I can't."

He sighed. "I know, I know. But I just had to ask. Still, you worry me. Is there any possibility for me to make sure you won't silently die when I'm not looking?"

"Don't joke about that, please. I'll take care of myself, I promise."

"I wasn't joking. If your powers wouldn't still make you stronger, you'd probably already be dead. Where do you live?" Sonea had never seen him so serious. His blue eyes pierced hers with burning intensity and almost made her wish she had not come.

Knowing he would win in the end, she described the way to the stayhouse and even drew a map. "What will the magicians say when you disappear every few days?"

Again, he shrugged. "I'll tell them I have a patient who is unable to come to us. But I don't think there will be any problems. And don't think I'm going to forget you because I won't."

A dangerous passion swung in the last three words. Sonea did not know how to answer to that, so she kept quiet and heavy silence filled the room. Outside noise sounded strangely muffled through the walls, which were thinner than inside the city but thicker than the average slum shack, not quite able to shut out the voices on the streets.

Finally, Dorrien spoke again. "My father will be glad to hear you're well. At least, mostly."

Sonea's mind snapped back to the presence and she eyed him suspiciously. "You're not going to tell him, are you? You promised you wouldn't!"

He raised his hands in defence. "Of course I have not told him and will not tell him, although I think he deserves to know. But he was worried about you, very worried. I know you won't come to the Guild and visit him but you could send a message, at least one to say everything is fine. Although that clearly is not the case."

"I can't afford a messenger. Even if I write myself, it's still too expensive for me."

Considering, the Healer tilted his head and then studied the map she had made. "You could give it to me next time I see you. Then I'll tell Father you had it delivered to me at the Hospital because it's cheaper so he doesn't have to wonder. How does that sound?"

"Much better than I can stand. Fine. Since you won't give up, I'll do as you say." She yawned. "Do you mind if I leave now? It's late and I have a long way to walk."

"Wait a moment, I'll be right back." Dorrien gave her a smile and left the room, returning almost right away with two small jars in his hands. "This one is the nemmin. You'd best take half the usual dose every second night. That won't have the usual effect, of course, but better little than nothing. The other one contains a mixture we usually give underfed children."

He pressed both the jars into her hands. "I admit you're not exactly a child but you should take this nevertheless. Have a spoonful every day. That's the best you let me do for you."

Sonea smiled at his stern expression and thanked him. "It's impressing what you have done here," she said as she turned to the door. "I heard the people talk about it for days even though I wasn't listening."

She didn't wait for an answer but simply left. She found the corridor deserted and quiet, almost creepily so. She stored the jars in her pockets and raised her hood again before she entered the waiting room. Turning around a corner she almost ran into a magician but managed to mutter an excuse and quickly hurry away. She didn't look back to see if he might have recognised her. Instead, she left the Hospital as fast as she possibly could, her hands curved around the clay jars inside her pockets.

So here it is, the long one, and I hope it's as nice as I remember it to be. The next two or three chapters are simply gap fillers, sadly. It's not as much fun to write them but sometimes a girl must do what a girl must do.

_Please consider that it's winter – harsh times for butterflies. You know your job. I'm glad for every suggestion of improvement, even for typos._


	13. Chapter 13

The key almost got stuck in the rusty lock as Sonea tried to turn it. Biting back a curse, she pulled it free and repeated the process, this time with more success – the door swung open and she dropped the key into her pocket. As she started to put her writing equipment away, she was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"You're late," Cery said, grinning when she jumped, as he rose from the only chair and came forward to embrace her.

Sonea pressed a hand to her chest because her heart was beating frantically but she returned the hug with a smile on her face. "You almost scared me to death. How did you get in here? You didn't pick my lock, did you?" She gave him a disapproving look and stepped back.

"Of course not," he assured her and smiled innocently. "I'd never. But there's a passage behind that board." He pointed to one of the walls that was covered with wooden planks. There was no sign of a secret entrance. "Right between the house and the city wall. Can't see it from outside."

Sonea shook her head and walked over to examine the board. Now that she knew it was there, the tunnel was easy to find. "I thought I'd felt something," she muttered. "When I first came here, but I could never work out what it was. I suspected it was just an old hole."

"That's right. A hole with a direct connection to the Thieves' Road. Did you think I'd leave you somewhere without an exit?"

She sighed. "Why are you here, Cery? Did anything happen?"

"I just wanted to see you. And now that I do, I don't like what I see." He examined her closely, his eyes finally fixing hers..

"I'm fine, really. I talked to Dorrien last week, he didn't try to convince me to come back, so it can't be that bad…" She averted her gaze and returned to tidying away her things. "Look, Cery, I'm tired and not really able to think right now. My head is buzzing like a whole civilisation of sapflies is living in there."

"You trying to get rid of me?" She could literally hear the smile in his voice.

"No, of course not. I'm sorry. I missed you." It had been almost a month since he had last visited, she had already started to worry.

Cery's smile vanished. "I had business."

"Of course you had."

They were silent for a moment, the only sounds the constant buzz of the slums outside and the occasional rustling of paper as Sonea sorted her work into neat stacks. "Actually," Cery finally said. "Something happened. The Purge's coming up…"

"What?", she interrupted and almost let a flask of ink fall to the ground; she quickly bent and caught it just before it shattered. She couldn't afford being clumsy. "They're still having the Purge? Although half the slums are still only dirt and rubble?"

He nodded. "Some of the Guards protested, but they didn't reach a thing. Anyway, the King forbids more than three people per stayhouse room this year, except there's kids with adults or something, because forbidding them completely clearly didn't do the trick."

She waited for him to continue, and when he didn't, she cleared her throat. "So?"

"So, I want you to live in a nice and warm place I've prepared for you."

For a moment, she thought about it. "Are you offering me one of your hiding places as… why exactly? It's not as if I have any favours to call in."

Cery shook his head vehemently. "You're wrong, Sonea. The people of Kyralia owe you, but I'm the first one to remember. Come with me. I'll make sure you're safe and warm, you'll have enough to eat and you don't have to care about anything or anybody besides yourself."

"Cery…" She stopped and considered his offer. It wasn't bad, even though she would probably feel guilty about it. She knew he did have some influence and she almost painfully craved a break. So instead of lecturing him she didn't want favours, she put a smile on her face and said, "I hope you know that I'm not in the condition to climb."

Rothen read the letter for what was possibly the hundredth time, and still he was not quite content with what he found. The handwriting was neat and tiny, probably out of the necessity to save paper. The single sheet was covered with ink on both sides, the lines just wide enough apart to be distinguishable and not a single word wasted. He imagined her considering each sentence twice before actually writing it down so she wouldn't have to cross things out.

Dorrien had passed him the fragile reed pipe with the letter rolled up inside this morning after returning from a night shift at the Hospital. Rothen remembered the unreadable look in his son's eyes…

"Sonea brought it yesterday night," Dorrien had explained and regarded the letter with a mixture of excitement and sadness.

"Did she say anything?" Rothen had asked, unsure what to think of it. It worried him that she had not gotten in touch earlier, especially since she had promised to the day she left.

A smile had appeared on Dorrien's face, even if only a small one. "She asked me if you were all right, and if there was any new gossip in the Guild."

"How is she?"

"She looks fine. She might be a little thin, but otherwise she seems to be healthy."

Now, hours later, Rothen wondered if Dorrien might have lied about that. Something about his eyes had made him hesitate, considering to ask more questions, but he had decided against it. Instead, his attention had turned to the sheet of cheap paper in his hands.

Sonea wrote that she had lived in a stayhouse until recently but planned to move to a friend's soon because the Guards were sternly controlling if the new laws regarding the most common form of living in the slums were adhered. She mentioned a few stories about her little cousins and how much the dwellers approved of the Hospital. None of this made Rothen exactly happy but it was the very last paragraph that really worried him.

_Things are really wild – _he could see that she had hesitated to use that word of slum slang _– at the moment and I need some time to settle down and get everything worked out, but I'll write again as soon as I can. Maybe, in a few months, I'll try and come up to the City. _

_I hope you are well,_

_Sonea_

He was not sure what it was but something about these words made him uneasy. They did not sound like Sonea but then again he was no longer sure what did. She had changed a lot since she had first come to the Guild after weeks of hiding, and even more in the weeks after the Invasion. He had not seen her in quite some time, how could he judge how she would sound? But still. She must have a reason for her absence but did not want to confide it. He could not help but feel a pang of regret that he had not been able to convince her to stay. He still did not understand her decision, although he knew that he had to accept it. Barely a day went by without him asking himself what had gone wrong – what happened that turned Sonea from a good-natured, confident novice into a frightened, isolated stranger? He knew the answer but also knew it was not justified to think that way. Akkarin.

He shook his head, folded the letter and slid it into his robes. It was late, much too dark already. Walking over to the window, Rothen regarded the cloudy sky. Snow was coming, and the Purge with it. To everybody's surprise, the King had insisted on carrying on the custom in spite of the hundreds of beggars and dwellers lingering in the City because their homes had been destroyed. The War had been short and carried out mainly by magicians but of course large parts of the City and especially the slums had suffered.

It was good to know that at least Sonea appeared to have a place to live and enough money to get by. Her family seemed to be fine as well, and she _did _promise to write again soon. But why hadn't she done so earlier?

Rothen moved the screen to cover the window and decided to go to bed. There was enough time to worry tomorrow.

_I want to take my time to thank everybody who read this story, and who wrote such lovely reviews. I'm also thankful for those who were critical because they made me think about my story a bit. This is not the end of course – I'm not yet finished with Sonea._

_I hope all of you don't consider the time they spend reading as wasted. I try hard to make this the best I can, but I also know I'll never quite get TC's style. My English simply isn't good enough for that . Please, if there is anything that bothers you, or just something you want to tell me so I can improve The Unexpected, just tell me – I'll be happy to answer any questions or make improvements as far as possible._

_Thank you for making me life a little brighter,_

_Butterfly_


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

Sonea did not want to be here. She was cold, hungry and definitely in the wrong place. She had to hurry up and get this thing over and done with so she could return to the safety of her room as fast as possible. Clouds had gathered in the sky over the last couple of hours and it seemed sure to snow in the near future. And with the snow, the magicians would come to the City of Imardin. No matter what, she did not want to stay around for that.

A few days ago she had seen an offer by merchant from the North Quarter who was looking for somebody for his paperwork. It was a potentially safe job with a hopefully safe allowance that would enable her to support both herself and, in a few months, her baby. By now, she had gotten more or less used to the idea of herself as a mother, even though it still somewhat scared her. It was important now that she prepared for the future, when spring came and she would try to find her own place to live. She didn't feel comfortable thinking she would have to rely on her friends forever.

The talk with Largin the shoe-maker had gone well, he had seemed more than pleased with the examples of her abilities and had told her to return the next day to hear if she had convinced him. To her great relief, he had not asked any questions about her past, nor had he seemed to have any problems with the fact that she was seven months pregnant. When she had returned, he had told her she could start immediately.

Ever since she had made her way up to Largin's shop every day, hoping desperately against better knowledge that she would be able to avoid the Purge. She had been meaning to ask for a token or any kind of indication that she was supposed to be in the Northquarter but didn't want to do so when the sour-faced housekeeper was present. The middle-aged woman didn't seem to like Sonea, and made no effort to disguise the fact. She showed her opinion of her in disapproving looks and the occasional sneer but that, Sonea knew, could quickly change. So she was careful not to anger the woman any further, did her work quietly and swiftly and never lingered longer in the house although she would have liked to – it was cruelly cold outside when she went home each night.

This morning, the sun apparently had not even bothered to rise. Here and there it sent a few weak beams through the thick layer of clouds that had been covering the sky over Imardin for many weeks. The warning of snow had been repeated so often that it almost seemed no more than a hollow threat. Still, Sonea was anxious. She couldn't avoid entering the City and leaving again in the evening but she felt uneasy every single time she passed the huge, still not quite repaired City Gates. Each time one of the Guards only so much as looked at her she cringed and hurried along, hoping he wouldn't give her any second thought.

She was lucky today, nobody so much as noticed her as she walked through the broad streets that were filled with people, horses and carriages. The cold bit into her skin, she pulled her shawl closer around her neck and hugged her longcoat to her chest. One of the many advantages of working for Largin was that she didn't need to buy her own tools anymore, so she didn't have to carry them with her all the time.

Largin's house was only a corner away when something cold touched Sonea's cheek. She froze. There, again. She held out her hand and a little, puffy flake landed in her palm. A second later another. Looking up, she saw the whole sky filled with wet, white snowflakes drifting through the air._ No. Not now. Not today. Please…_ The people around her had stopped in their paths, staring up into the sky in wonder for a moment, then all of a sudden, everybody started to run. Only a few minutes from now the first magicians would turn up in the North Quarter. Everybody tried to get away as fast as they could, not paying attention to anybody other than themselves. Soon the cries of the first trampled in the crowd rose over the general clamour, and the Guards tried to keep the dwells away from the numerous side alleys leading away from the main street. Screams rang between the walls, the sound of hundreds of shoes filled the air.

Sonea stood still in the middle of the street, and only moved again when somebody ran into her and almost knocked her to the ground. As soon as she had regained her balance she desperately tried to reach the sidewalk, pushing through the stream of running dwells. The mass of bodies threatened to pull her with them but somehow she managed to escape and then she did it – she stood safely in a house entrance, about an arm's length away from the panic. Panting, she leaned against the wall.

She couldn't stay here forever, though. Sooner or later, the owner of the house would find her, or the Guards, or worse, the magicians. But until then, this was her only option. She didn't much like the idea of being trampled to death by the fleeing crowd. Surely she could still wait a little, at least until the worst was over. Sighing, she closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on calming her breathing. Her ears were ringing with the noise out on the streets, and the all-too-familiar headache that had been plaguing her for so long appeared to have increased tenfold.

When she opened her eyes again, the running crowd outside had reduced to a trickle of dwells hastily running down the street. Judging by the light, no more than an hour could have passed but it still made her uneasy. Had she fallen asleep standing on her feet?

Carefully peaking out, she discovered that two Guards were standing not too far away from her, but with their backs turned to her and intently talking to each other. This was her chance. If things hadn't changed too much, they would not leave their assigned posts, especially not for somebody like her, a mere slum girl trying to get out of the city.

She pulled her hood over her head so it left her face in the shade and slowly stepped out onto the street. As she stood on the sidewalk, she wondered where to go. She was awfully close to the North Square, where surely the Guild had already formed their barrier and were only waiting for permission to drive the dwells out of Imardin. It could only be a matter of time when then would happen. She still had a long way to go to Largin's house, and probably that wouldn't be of any help to her, but tomorrow it would be almost impossible to enter the city. She could, of course, just go home and hope that she would be lucky tomorrow…

While she still hesitated and considered, she heard somebody shouting orders, and suddenly her mind was filled with unfocused mental calls, causing her to instinctively clasp her hands over her ears, attempting against better knowledge to shut out the noise. Backing away, she tripped over something on the ground and had to catch herself from falling over with her arms.

In the physical world, she heard a voice calling out and then, with a lot of effort, she managed to shove the noise in her head away. A man was bent over her, smiling grimly.

"You alright?" he asked and extended a hand.

She hesitated before answering. "Yes", she said, and allowed him to pull her to her feet.

"Thanks."

"You be careful. Won't be long now." He let go of her hand and continued to run down the street.

As soon as she trusted her own legs again, Sonea followed him slowly, as fast as she dared. She didn't much fancy the thought of tripping again, especially not since the still-falling snow had formed a dirty, wet mud on the pavement, and if she fell into that, she would never get her clothes dry again. The moisture already seeped into her boots, her feet felt like blocks of ice.

She had barely come a hundred strides far when directly in front of her the sight she had dreaded all winter spread out directly in front of her: a line of robe-clad magicians, solemnly striding down the street with the magical barrier they had raised buzzing at the edge of Sonea's senses. And they were getting closer with every moment.

The snowing had decreased, the sky was almost clear again and the sun shone down on the street with cruel brightness. Sonea's eyes desperately flickered about looking for a way to escape, she couldn't risk being ambushed into the panicking crowds on the North Square if she wanted to have any reasonable hope of ending the day unharmed. But only side-alleys which lead deeper into the city were close enough for her to reach in time and even then it would be dangerously close, close enough that the magicians might be able to recognise her or at least think her suspicious and pursue her.

Nevertheless, she had no chance. The line of magicians was catching up. Sonea stumbled a few steps backwards then turned around and nearly fell to her knees again but managed to regain her balance just in time. She was scared enough to lose orientation almost completely, she was shaking and her stomach fluttered nervously.

She darted into a close-by alleyway only to realise that she had taken the turn to short – her arm was yanked backwards and she heard fabric rip. Her sleeve had caught on a protruding nail and held her back. She pulled and frantically tried to get away but the only result was more torn fabric and then a soaring pain in her forearm which sent her to the pavement on her knees. _Get up, _a small voice urged in the back of her head. _I can't_, she replied wearily. She suddenly felt far too tired to move at all. Getting up wouldn't be of any use to her anyways, the magicians were already much too close. She had no chance of running away. They would find her in a moment. It was over.

That thought left her feeling strangely calm. It was over, yes, and she finally didn't have to hide anymore. They would recognise her, probably, make sure she got out of the city, and then what? She had not committed a crime, they couldn't punish her for anything. And if Rothen heard about this, what did it matter? She missed him, and sometimes wished she had told him the real reason why she left. If he came looking for her, after all, the Sachakan desert hadn't been enough to stop him, she would talk to him and clear things up. Even if he didn't understand, it would feel good to have that weight lifted off her conscience. And he might not find out…

She tried one last time to free her sleeve from the nail and then closed her eyes. She felt the blood run down her arm, hot and cold at the same time, and almost smiled as she imagined what had become of her. She was the slum girl who had discovered magical powers, then become the favourite novice of the High Lord, who turned out to be a criminal. She had learned his forbidden art and been banished to Sachaka, only to return, save Kyralia and the Guild, and then forsake magic forever and go back to being a slum dweller. _I wonder if I will ever be able to look back and laugh about this_.

_So, this is it. Not the end, of course, but this is the point I wanted to reach all along. And from now on, I hope it'll get easier, because this chapter was HORROR. I've been working on it for at least two months and it just wouldn't work. So I hope you liked it. Tell me if you did. If you didn't, just pretend you did, okay?_


	15. Chapter 15

As he looked to the Arena from his classroom window, Rothen felt a pang of sympathy for the figure sitting cross-legged with her back against one of the pillars. When he had heard who she was and what had happened he hadn't known whether to laugh or cry, the situation was just so absurd. Nobody had revealed why exactly she was here, the gossips had been speculating animatedly ever since her arrival but it didn't seem as if any of them had gotten anywhere near the actual reason. Rothen had not paid any attention to the talk, and not only because the rumor-mongers turned awkwardly quiet in his presence. He also found that as long as he did not know for sure, he couldn't worry about her, and that had never been of any use whatsoever.

He had not even tried to talk to her since he was sure the authorities would not let him. But he had noticed that Tania, Yaldin and Ezrille had been very careful around him, as if always trying not to upset him. They avoided the subject and never even so much as looked in the general direction of the Arena, where the figure sat with her back to any potential watchers.

She had been in the Guild for three days now, and not a word had yet escaped about the reasons for her presence.

The University gong ended the lesson, which his novices had spent mostly reading or starting to write their essays for the final exams, and Rothen barely waited for the last of them to bow to him before hurrying back to his rooms. Every minute now he expected a message from Osen asking him to a meeting of the Higher Magicians, and sure enough, a neatly folded envelope waited for him on his desk.

He couldn't stop his fingers from shaking as he impatiently ripped open the envelope and pulled out a piece of paper which indeed summoned him to Osen's office as soon as afternoon classes had ended, which had been ten minutes ago. He sighed and crossed his guestroom to be as punctual as still possible.

For the first time, he tried to picture what Sonea could have done to cause her current situation. He failed brilliantly, simply unable to imagine the fragile girl he had accompanied to the Gates almost half a year ago committing any kind of punishable crime. But the day she had been arrested also happened to be the day of the Purge; had she stabbed magicians again?

He almost smiled at the thought. About four years ago, Sonea had tried to escape the Guild because she thought they would execute her for possessing magic, and, just before finally being caught, she had sent her knife deep into Dannyl's thigh. But what reason could she have had three days ago?

Osen's door still stood open, so Rothen apparently wasn't that late. Voices floated out to the corridor, an argument seemed to be going on inside. As he entered, he shut the door behind himself and found a seat rather in the back of the room, which was filled with magicians intently debating.

The Administrator caught Rothen's eye, nodded once to himself and then called for silence. "Since we are now complete," he began, "let us come to the matter that, I'm sure, has been on everybody's minds for the past few days. The rumors are true – Sonea has been arrested on the day of the Purge."

A murmur rose in the small room but quickly subsided as Osen raised a hand. "She is suspected to be a rogue magician."

"That's impossible," Rothen couldn't stop himself to say. Not only impossible, even ridiculous. But some proof had to exist, or at least a good reason to suspect her, or she wouldn't be here…

"I know it sounds strange, but we have cause to consider it. Lord Garrel, please relate the eye-witnesses' report."

The Head of Warriors nodded and consulted a document in his hands. "The magicians who were sent out for the Purge today followed the usual procedure. There were no strange events until they reached one of the main streets of the North Quarter, when a young woman stumbled directly in front of them, then turned around and ran away. Lord Tegan states that she was obviously frightened, but he didn't find her suspicious until a light flashed from nowhere and temporarily impaired the men's vision. As they followed the woman, they found her on her knees and surrounded by a magical barrier, which quickly dissolved when Lord Tegan approached her."

He paused, apparently trying to find the right words. "Tegan reports that while she refused to speak and had her face hidden, she cooperated and let herself be brought back to the Guild. It was not until they reached the grounds that they recognised her.

"The flash and the barrier would be reason enough to suspect her but I have also found that she is radiating a magical presence, extraordinarily strong even considering her background. We should consider that she might have strengthened herself with black magic."

Silence filled the room. The significance of this was clear to everybody, even if for different reasons. A rogue black magician in the city would easily cause panic – especially if this magician had been in Imardin unnoticed for several months. She even might have trained somebody else, it was common knowledge now that there had to be hundreds of potential magicians in the slums.

But not one of these theories seemed to make sense to Rothen. It simply did not sound like Sonea – and it completely contradicted her "background" that Garrel had mentioned. Sonea had never done anything close to the accusations made. And it also really was impossible, Garrel himself had blocked Sonea's powers half a year ago, how could she have used magic?

"What do we do now?" Vinara asked finally, and spoke out loud what everybody else was thinking. This situation was unusual and completely unexpected, and still it was the third time in five years that it occurred. Strangely enough, Sonea had been the centre of two of them.

"The law calls for execution in a case like that," Garrel said but was met by a stern glance of the Head of Healers.

"I think you may find this not appropriate here."

Rothen hesitated before speaking. He did not know what Vinara meant by that, but to him, there seemed to be a piece missing in this affair. "Has Lord Tegan's claim been tested? The law also calls for affirmation of any accusations by a truth read. And has anybody questioned Sonea about this?"

"A truth read will be initiated in time," Balkan said. "As for Sonea, she has until now refused to answer any questions. But the evidence is strong against her."

"She must be seen punished. Today's events have not remained unnoticed."

"Lifelong incarceration seems an appropriate sentence."

The debate continued for several minutes, but Rothen stopped listening. His thoughts returned to his former novice again and again. He remembered random moments of her time in the Guild, the countless times she had proven her sense of right and wrong to him. And she had left the Guild of her own free will, not because she had been forced to. She had willingly given up her powers and all the privileges that came with staying in the Guild. If her behaviour directly after the Invasion was any indicator of her personality, the thought of using black magic again would almost kill her.

"I'm afraid this won't lead us anywhere," Osen interjected. "It is late, and all of us need to consider this matter further before making a decision. I propose to continue this meeting at a later point. I will send notice to all of you. Good night."

The debate ceased, and a rustling of fabric rose as the Higher Magicians left the Administrator's office. Vinara held Rothen back.

"You'll want to talk to her."

"Of course."

She nodded. "Do you mind if I accompany you? I have a few questions myself."

They bade Osen good night and started towards the Arena, quietly walking side by side until they stepped out of the University into the cold winter air. During the last few days it had snowed several times and the flakes had covered everything in a thin layer of white that crunched underneath their boots as they walked.

"Have you heard from Sonea since she left?" Vinara asked suddenly.

"Only once, maybe two weeks ago. She wrote a letter and brought it to Dorrien to give it to me", he replied, unable to keep a certain tone of sadness from his voice.

"What did she write?"

He shrugged. "She said she was fine but had difficulties at the moment because she couldn't live in a stayhouse anymore. My son promised me there was nothing wrong with her."

The Healer nodded absentmindedly as if to herself and did not say anything else. They reached the Arena and Vinara quietly spoke to one of the Warriors who had been stationed at the entrance to the underground passage as a guard. The man nodded grimly and stepped aside to let them through.

At the far end of the Arena a small figure sat in the shade of a pillar. As they approached, Rothen was able to make out more details. She was sitting cross-legged, with her hands resting on her knees. Her clothes were dark and loose-fitting, a scarf and hood covering her face. She might have been asleep.

"Sonea," Lady Vinara said quietly, and the figure's head snapped up. A hand rose to the hood and pulled it back so her face was lit by Vinara's globe light.

It was Sonea, no doubt, but she looked horrible. She was too thin, her skin was incredibly pale and there were dark shadows under her eyes as if she had not slept for a very long time. As she saw and recognized him, her eyes widened as if with fear but she quickly schooled her expression and took a deep breath. "Good evening, Lady Vinara. Or is it night already?" she said hoarsely; after all, she had not spoken for three days. "So the Higher Magicians have had their meeting about me?"

"They have," the Healer replied, hiding her surprise quite well. "But that is not why I am here. Would you give me your hand?"

She did, and as Vinara stepped forward to take it, her globe light illuminated more of Sonea and chased away the shadows. He could not help it, he gasped in surprise and barely managed to not step backwards. Vinara did not notice, she had closed her eyes and was concentrating hard, but Sonea saw it and winced.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I'll explain everything." Her attention turned to the Healer, who had let go of her hand and now shook her head with a look of disapproval on her face.

"I'll get somebody to bring you something to eat. Try and sleep tonight."

"I will, my Lady."

Vinara frowned, inclined her head to Rothen and turned to leave the Arena. Rothen quickly created a light and he and Sonea watched the Healer until she disappeared in the passage and they were alone. Regarding his former novice, Rothen silently calculated. Could it be seven months? Eight?

"Rothen." She still whispered although nobody could hear them, and then she coughed a few times. She did not look at him. "I am so very sorry."

"How long have you known?" he asked and sounded harsher than he had intended. She cringed.

"A few days before I left. Maybe a week. I don't know."

He nodded. "So the real reason you left…"

"Yes. No. I don't know. I probably would have left either way. This only sped up the decision." The look on her face… it was guilt, he decided. She felt guilty.

"Who is the father?" he asked although he thought he already knew."

A wistful smile played around her lips and her gaze became distant, as if deep in memory.

"I… I loved him, Rothen. I deeply and truly loved him."

"Of course," he said through gritted teeth. "That explains how he convinced you so easily."

"No! No. That's not how… Not like that." She blushed, the first real colour in her face. Even her lips seemed blue. "Nothing happened before the wastelands. Please believe me "

Finally, she looked up at him. Rothen thought that she seemed older than she should be. She had always been mature for her age, at least judging by the standards of the Houses, but she did not look like twenty-one now. There were lines around her eyes that told of fear and worries, and sadness, that should definitely not be seen on a girl that young. A lot of novices graduated at twenty-one, Sonea would have been a year older because she had started later. Right now, she should be in the library or in her room studying, maybe tired, but otherwise perfectly healthy and with no greater worries than her next exams. But instead, she was a prisoner of the Guild, thin, exhausted, cold and seven months pregnant, and with a reasonable fear for her life.

Rothen sank down to kneel beside her even though his bones protested heavily. He hesitated for the briefest of moments before taking her ice-cold hand in his and meeting her eyes, nodding once.

"Alright. But that is not the most important issue right now, anyway – do you know why you are here?"

"Yes. Garrel told me."

"Is there any truth to that accusation? Are you really a rogue? I have to ask, although I don't believe it myself," he assured her but a tiny part of him was not so sure. There was so much she had not told him…

Sonea shrugged. So it would be one of those conversations. "I don't know. At first I thought it was ridiculous, but I had a lot of time to think in the last few days and I found out I could do _this_." She held out her hand and above it the tiniest spark of light sprang to life. It was very weak and appeared to cost her an awful lot of effort but it was undeniably there.

"How is that possible?"

"I wanted to ask you the same. I swear that my powers were still blocked before the Purge, and I know that for certain. But now they obviously aren't. And look at this." She pulled up her right sleeve. A faint red line ran up her forearm. "During the Purge, I cut this open on a nail. Three days ago, this was a bleeding wound, I fell asleep for maybe half an hour, and when I woke up, it was gone. What is happening here?"

"I wish I knew. But if you cannot prove that you have not been able to use your powers until the Purge…"

An all-to-familiar, dangerously sly smile appeared on her worn-out face. "Maybe I can."

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	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

"I do hope you know what you are doing," Rothen said quietly so only Sonea could hear. She nodded.

"I've thought this through. Several times, actually. There's no need to worry." She tried hard to sound confident but even she noticed how her voice quivered. Her whole plan depended on the benevolence of the Higher Magicians. Yes, she had her arguments prepared and they should be logical enough to win them over. But if she failed…

She stood in a small room next to the Guildhall that was used as a temporary arrest cell in which accused criminals waited for their trial – if Sonea had not been Akkarin's accomplice the last time she had faced possible execution, she would have had to stand here before today. There were only two Warriors guarding her, and Rothen had pulled a few strings to be able to wait with her. Somehow he had convinced the Higher Magicians that she was not that dangerous after all.

"I know you did but the last time you "thought it through" you decided to have your powers blocked and leave the Guild forever, and now look how well that worked." Rothen could not hide his concern and frustration. Sonea had not told him of her plan, only assured him over and over again that it would be successful. He could not help but worry.

The Guildhall would be mostly empty but for the Higher Magicians and her guards. They had decided not to make this a public trial, and Sonea was very grateful for this. Even now, after having to stand still for no more than half an hour, she was already exhausted and nervous. She did not think she would last very long under the disapproving looks of the whole Guild. Sooner or later, she would fall.

The door to the Guildhall was opened by magic and Rothen shot her a last questioning look. She forced a smile to her face and mouthed, "I'll be fine", before starting slowly towards her place in front of the Higher Magicians. Rothen took his place with them and nodded faintly.

The hall seemed larger when empty, and if possible even more intimidating. Sonea positioned herself and involuntarily adjusted her scarf so breathing was easier. She could literally feel the eyes of everybody in the room on her which did not much help in raising her confidence.

"Let us begin." Osen's voice rang through the Hall loud and clear. Sonea hoped he would abandon the stiff formalities of public trials, if only to speed things up. The faster this was over, the sooner she could finally sit down somewhere.

"Sonea, you are accused of being a rogue magician and attacking members of the Guild with magic. Today, we will decide about your judgement." He turned and nodded at a young Warrior sitting a little away from the Higher Magicians. Sonea had not noticed him before, but now recognized him as the one who had arrested her four days before. He looked as if he was maybe three years older than she was, and just as nervous.

"Lord Tegan, please relate your report."

Sonea closed her eyes as the Warrior began to talk. He claimed that she, Sonea, had attacked the magicians with firestrikes but fortunately missed, and had then run away. Sonea managed not to groan. Tegan made the all in all harmless situation sound as if she had seriously tried to kill everybody in that street, and did not mention that she had actually not made any attempt to harm either the magicians or herself, that she had actually cooperated without hesitation. Her only comfort was that he would have to submit to a truth read to justify his accusation, although it all depended on who would perform it and what kind of questions they would ask.

"Lord Tegan, Guild law decrees you have to be truth read. Will you submit?" Osen asked finally, and Sonea's eyes snapped open.

"I will."

The Administrator nodded. "Very well. Lord Garrel?"

Sonea groaned internally. Of all people… Now she had to rely entirely on her defence, which she knew had quite a few holes in it.

The Head of Warrior Skills descended to where Tegan stood, the two of them exchanged a few words and then Garrel placed his hands on the younger man's temples. An intense silence settled on the Guildhall as everybody waited impatiently, for one reason or another. Sonea only waited for all this to end. The last time she had stood in down here she had promised herself to never let this happen again, although she had not believed herself even then, when the Guild had expelled and banned her from all the Allied Lands.

"He speaks the truth," Garrel finally announced and returned to his seat with a badly hidden smile on his face.

"Sonea." Osen turned to her, and there was a look on his face that she could not quite place. Could it be pity? "You know the accusations. Do you confess?"

Sonea straightened her back a little and tried to appear as confident as she could. "I do not."

"What do you say in your defence?"

She took a deep breath to prepare herself and tried to ignore how much she wanted to be somewhere, anywhere else. "My powers have been blocked by Lord Garrel himself five months ago. I returned to the slums afterwards and never used any kind of magic until the Purge.

I cannot explain how that was possible. I swear that the bonds were intact at least one day before the incident in the North Quarter but somehow that changed. If I had any idea how that is possible, I would tell you right now."

"Can you prove that?"

She shook her head. "Not without a truth read, which I would allow but I know that you won't."

Osen frowned, but then realization dawned on his face. Of course. Anybody who entered her mind could easily learn black magic from her knowledge – at least, get a basic idea of it. He turned to exchange a few words with Lord Balkan, then nodded. "We will consider the possibility."

He waved a hand and silence fell around Sonea. He had created a simple shield that blocked out all noise and allowed the Higher Magicians to speak without her hearing, despite the peculiar construction of the Guildhall. Now she felt even more alone than before, with the only sound her heartbeat in her ears. She resisted the urge to move her arm in order to find out if she was still able to hear the fabric rustling and had not gone deaf. She wished Rothen had not needed to leave her, if nothing else she could have leaned on him now, her back hurt so much…

All of a sudden, the noise was back. For a moment, the voices quietly murmuring were much too loud in her ears, but then she was able to understand what Osen was saying: "I will perform a truth read."

It took Sonea a moment to realise what he had just said – then, there were several thoughts at once. He would enter her mind and risk acquiring forbidden knowledge. He could find out certain details she would rather not have anybody know. And only then she realised that she was saved – her claims would be proven and they would have no sensible reason to keep her locked up for the rest of her life.

Slowly, the Administrator descended from his seat, and finally came to a halt directly in front of her. His expression was grim, but she thought to see something else in his eyes, something softer. But his voice was cold as he swiftly asked, "May I?", and placed his fingertips on her temples without waiting for a reply.

She stood in silence for a moment, waiting for her frantic heart to slow down so she could focus.

"You'll have to let me in," Osen said quietly, his eyes closed and with a frown on his face.

Not wanting to disturb him, Sonea did not answer but instead concentrated on trying to visualize the room of her mind, which was necessary to enable Osen to perform the truth read. She had not done this in quite a long time, and she needed several attempts before the walls stopped crushing in on her. She then carefully locked everything up Osen should not find – not only black magic, but also a few other secrets she had kept for a long time and did not intend to give out now. After a quick glance to the paintings on the walls to confirm that they were harmless, she willed the simple doors to open and welcomed the Administrator in.

_-Shall we begin?_, he asked mentally.

_-Of course, _she replied. _Ask me what you need to know._

_-Have you used magic since leaving the Guild?_

_-Yes. But only after the Warriors arrested me – I wanted to find out if I really could._

_-Show me what you did._

She nodded and turned to the wall, where an image of Sachakan mountains melted into a depiction of the experiments she had done while sitting in the Arena, trying to make sense of the accusations Garrel had thrown at her hours earlier. It had taken a long time until, with every nerve in her body tense with concentration, the tiniest flash of light had suddenly appeared. It had not lasted long and she had not been able to produce it again for some time, and using magic had felt strange, as if trying to control a wild, biting beast. She had tried drawing up emotions again like she had four years ago when she had attempted to use magic for the Thieves, but she found that there was barely any anger, let alone blind hatred, in her.

_-Can you explain how that is possible?_, she asked Osen in the desperate hope that he could._ I never wanted this to happen. I hoped I could live my life in peace._

_-I cannot. I need you to show me your power._

His mental voice was controlled, hardly betraying any emotion, but she sensed something behind the control that she had also thought to see in his face as he had approached her. Again, she nodded and obeyed, conjuring up the blinding white light that was the power which filled every inch of her body, every drop of her blood and that would eventually consume her body and everything around.

Once, this thought had scared her, and it had been one of the reasons why she had hesitated to leave after the Invasion. But then she had discovered her pregnancy, and the thought of raising her child in a place that was so much like a prison for her had eliminated all doubts.

_-The bounds are gone,_ Osen remarked.

_-Yes. But they cannot have been for long. _

_-How do you know?_

_-You can sense my power now, because it is loose and I am not trying to hide it. It was not like that before the Purge…_

_-Why?_

_-I visited the Hospital the day before. Don't you think somebody would have noticed?_

He did not answer but she knew that her argument was not very convincing.

_-I swear to you that I did nothing whatsoever to get control over my powers again. Anything I might have done during the Purge did not happen on purpose. You know that it is the truth – I cannot lie here._

Still, Osen was silent, if he had any opinion on this he did not say it. She patiently waited, knowing that time no longer meant the same. Who knew how long they were already standing like this, his hands on her temples and her own in fists. Every eye must be on them…

Suddenly the Administrator's presence was withdrawn from her mind, and his fingers disappeared. She opened her eyes and blinked into the light.

Osen had turned around. Voices filled the Hall, echoing from the ceiling and loudly reflected from every surface. As if on command, everything went silent from one moment to the next.

"Tell us," Lady Vinara said.

Osen waved a hand. "Would somebody get our visitor a chair?"

#

_Okay, here we go. This isn't the end, but I'm afraid we're rather close to it. It's funny that I've heard only one theory so far, which was, sorry to say it, not true. I'd expected a bit more _

_Thank you thank you thank you to all of my lovely reviewers – I can't say that often enough._

_Read you soon!_

_Jojo_


	17. Chapter 17

Sonea hated to admit it, but she was lost. She could not possibly explain the events in the North Quarter, and although nobody asked her to anymore, she wanted to know. She wanted to know why she was here again and not where she wanted to be, where she needed to be. Her home, the place she had learned to regard as such, was now lost for her. There was no chance she would be allowed to go back. She would have to learn to accept that.

Using her powers felt strange, almost new. She knew how it worked, what she had to do and that her magical strength was still very much the same as it had been before Garrel had blocked her powers but every time she tried to draw on her power, her will failed her and she was unable to create more than a tiny globe light. The reason was no mystery – she did not want to. Her mind and soul struggled against using magic once again and only grudgingly she obliged to the Higher Magicians command that she should familiarize herself with her power after it had been bound for so long.

When it had become clear that it was not that easy, that she could not just pretend the last five months had not happened, they had convinced a first-year teacher to help her. But his instructions did not make sense. She could not release her power like removing a stopper from a bottle, that was not how it worked. She knew that the magic was all of her, in every muscle, in every drop of blood. She had tried to explain this to him, that what he told her did not help her in any way. He had answered that he knew it better, that his instructions were perfectly accurate and that he had taught generations of novices before her who had never had the problems she was facing now. It felt as if her own body was rebelling against her, betraying her once again.

She was beginning to dread the teacher's endless lectures who seemed to have forgotten that she had already done all this before – light candles and lift boxes or open doors. She did not require an explanation how to do it, she needed a reason to, a good, sensible reason for her brain to grasp that she had to leave her dreams of a future behind and start to live in the present. And if that meant she had to use magic, she had to do it, no matter how long it would take.

But it would not work like this. She had learned from Akkarin that almost everything she had been taught at the University about her power was barely correct. He had taught her how her power was part of her, of her mind and body alike, and how she could use this knowledge for her benefit. The University teacher had not, in fact, studied and practiced black magic, which, now that she thought about it, explained why his lessons did not help her in any way.

_Well then, _she thought_. I might as well give my best. If I succeed without help, that can only improve my position._

"I never asked," Osen began quietly, taking a seat opposite the small table in front of Sonea's chair. "Why did you really leave?"

She sighed. It had been three weeks since the Hearing, and somehow she had found that talking to Lorlen's former assistant was far easier than sitting at the window pondering over her life. He was very friendly, and seemed eager to make up for the past. They had talked about nothing important so far, but apparently that would change now.

"What you offered to me, after the Invasion, the conditions for my staying, they made me feel as if I would be a prisoner rather than anything else. I did not want my child to grow up in a cage."

"Do you still feel that way?"

"Well…"

The Administrator waved a hand. "Don't answer that. Give it some time and I'll see what I can do."

She smiled. "Thank you. I'm already grateful that you agreed to let me out of the City." The Higher Magicians had turned out to be surprisingly well-meaning after the Hearing. Even although it had been quite clear to everybody that going back to the slums was not an option for Sonea anymore because there seemed to be no way to guarantee that her powers would remain blocked. Maybe discovering that she was not a dangerous threat had done the trick.

She had been allowed to return to the room Cery had given her to gather her few belongings, with an escort of course, and had been assigned a small apartment on the ground floor of the magicians' quarters – not without protest from other magicians, who were not at all satisfied with the solution.

"Yes, we were convinced that you would not let yourself be restrained like this." He paused for a moment, studying her face with surprising intensity. "Were you happy?"

Sonea waited a moment to find the right words to describe how she had felt back in the slums. It was difficult, she wanted Osen to understand why she had wanted to leave the Guild for her old life. "It was easier," she said finally. "I know how things work in the slums. I have friends there who helped me, and my family. It felt good to understand what was going on."

"Where did you get the money you needed?"

"I wrote and read letters in the Markets. It was enough to get by. I could have survived the winter. I knew that it would be difficult when I left, but it's where I belong. You cannot deny that – I was born out there and spent most of my life outside the walls. I think I have never felt as good as when I stepped through the Gates that day."

He nodded and leaned back in his chair. "You came home."

"That's right. I know it sounds stupid…"

"No, it doesn't. It makes sense."

She laughed. "You're the first to say that. But, well, I didn't talk to a lot of people about it. What do you think, will you stay for dinner?"

"Sonea?"

"Hm?" She did not look up from the book she was reading, afraid to lose the line in the endless lecture she was trying to comprehend. She tried to learn as much as possible now, while she still had time. Any day now…

"How do you feel? Shall I get you something?"

Annoyed, Sonea marked the page and shut the book. She met Dorrien's eyes and smiled, trying hard not to make fun of him again. "I'm fine. I don't need anything. And you don't have to keep asking me, I'll shout if anything changes, yes?"

"Very well. But try not to wait too long this time." He shook his head and turned back to pacing the small room like he had for at least one hour. She had not been able to convince him to go and get some sleep, but she probably was not the right person to do so, for she had been unable to fall asleep for the last two nights. Dorrien had not left her side since then.

"Really, you're doing everything wrong. Shouldn't I be the nervous person in this scenario?"

"Yes, but since you are refusing to play your part, I thought maybe I should jump in." There definitely was a smile on his face, although he tried hard not to let it show. She almost felt bad for teasing him, she knew that he only worried about her. But his worries were starting to take over, and his constant inquiries over her well-being started to make her feel uneasy.

"Dorrien, I am nervous. Really. But I would feel much better if you would stop running around and just sat down right here." She patted the bed sheets next to her and finally put the book away. "You need rest just as much as anybody else and you've been up for what, two days?"

He sighed, hesitated for a moment, then sat. "Fine. You won't stop bothering my anyway."

Grinning, she leaned back against the pillows. "Exactly. You know me too well. You'll stay here for half an hour now, and don't you dare move a muscle."

It was only a few minutes until Dorrien got to his feet again. To her stern looks he only reacted with a weak smile. "I'm sorry. But if you don't need me, I'll go and look after those who do."

"Oh, well. Tell your father I'm alright, will you?"

He nodded. "Of course. He promised to come when classes are over." He turned to the door and already had his hand on the handle when Sonea suddenly gasped and called out to him.

When he looked back at her, there was a weak smile on her lips.

"I think you should better stay."

The black magician sat in a chair by the window, cradling her son and softly singing a lullaby she had herself heard as a child. Outside, the sun was slowly setting and the winter light had turned all colours to ghostly grays. Inside, only a candle was burning on a table. It illuminated a landscape of open books, stacks of paper and several letters, but left everything else in darkness. And silence, since the only sound was the quiet melody of the song and the breathing of mother and child.

Until somebody rapidly knocked on the door and almost cruelly interrupted the scene of peace. Sonea looked up and stopped singing, then rose, her son in her arms, to greet her visitor. She willed the door to open and offered Lady Vinara a seat that was not covered in books or her notes.

"Good evening, Sonea."

"Good evening, Lady Vinara. To what do I owe your visit?" Sonea sat down and gently adjusted Lorkin's weight in her arms. "Has anything happened?"

The Healer shook her head. "No. But I wanted to talk to you – and congratulate you, of course."

"Thank you."

"I hope you are both well?"

Sonea nodded and smiled down at the little boy's face. "Yes. He's sleeping now, so we should have a moment to ourselves. You said you wanted to talk to me?"

"I do. Have you thought about your future yet, how you want to go on? Do you have plans?"

"Plans?" Sonea asked incredulously. "I stopped making plans. They never seem to work for me. For now, I don't want anything but to make sure my son is healthy and happy, everything else will hopefully work out eventually."

"Well, I thought you might want to continue your studies other than simply by reading. Lord Dorrien has offered to teach you."

"Has he, then? Maybe, in time, I would really like to…" Her voice trailed off as she considered this possibility. She had not thought that it would be possible for her because she was, after all, still a black magician, but if she did have a chance to become a Healer against all odds…

"I would also assist you in your training myself, were you to accept. You have a lot of potential, Sonea, and I would hate to see it wasted."

Sonea met her eyes as if searching for a lie in them, and when she did not find it, a smile spread across her face. "Thank you. Thank you for everything."

###

This is the end. Really. I hope I cleared everything up nicely and didn't leave any important questions unanswered, if I did, please do tell me, I'll do my best to answer anything!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to everybody who has ever reviewed or will review this story. It really means a lot to me and I hope I have brought this to a good end.

Thank you.

Jojo

P.S.: Next story is coming up as soon as I can. See you then. Jojo

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